Christmas Carol #3 Breath of Heaven

I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I’ve done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
I sang this song in church once, frightened that I would go off-key somewhere, but so awed by the beauty of the song that I longed to share it. And it seems fitting, having discussed the ordinary nature of who Joseph and Mary were, having thought of what Joseph might have been thinking as he held the tiny Son of God in his arms, that perhaps I should consider the young Mary next.
As I said in the last musing (On “Strange Way to Save The World”), Mary is certainly a very young woman. While she’s been raised to this life, expecting to be a mother at so tender an age, surely she never expected so… challenging? daunting? awesome? a charge as her own Savior. And she certainly didn’t expect to come into motherhood before she was a bride, with reason to fear for her or her son’s life because of the law she’d been raised with and obedient to so long. Surely in the long months before Jesus’ birth there were whispers… even if Joseph married her before her pregnancy showed, people would wonder at the sudden rush and the quick blossom of life.
But our Lord did not leave her alone in the midst of this. Though it would have been difficult to tell right away that she was pregnant (no EPT then, folks) the truth of the prophecy was proven as soon as she ran to Elizabeth, who was, as the angel had told her, 6 months pregnant. Indeed, the reaction of Elizabeth’s child to the unborn Savior carried by Mary told Elizabeth immediately that this was indeed no ordinary child. The two women stayed together for an undisclosed time, but it is likely that by the time Mary went home, Elizabeth was close to delivering her son, and Mary was certain of her own pregnancy.
I’ve never been pregnant. I’ve wanted it, desperately, even when I was afraid because of what seemed like poor timing, but I’ve never known what it’s like to be pregnant. I helped raise my sister, I’ve watched others go through pregnancy, and I’ve watched as my sisters and brother in law are raising their collective 12 (nearly 13 children, when the sister I helped raise has hers this coming spring). So I’ll admit that I can only surmise at the rush of emotions that Mary might have felt. But you, Beloved reader, perhaps you’ve been pregnant. Or your wife has. Or maybe, like me, you’ve had to live vicariously through loved ones… But surely young Mary experienced many of the same fears and joys you felt…
Dread… I’m pregnant. How will my partner/husband react? What will our families say?
Fear… this is her first child; Will it hurt? Will I be able to bear it? Will I survive it (A far bigger concern in her time than for us now, granted, but still)? I’m going to be a mother. Me. What if he falls down? What if I drop him? What if he hurts himself? What in my life shows that I’m even qualified to be a mother… much less mother to the Son of the Most High?!
Awe… This is life, growing within me! This is a miracle, and every day He is grows larger and stronger and closer to entering this life! This… This is the Son of the Most High!
Joy… Feel that? He moved! He kicked! He’s alive in there, well and strong! I’m going to be a mother! I will hold Him soon…
So many things, so many more than even other mothers felt. Did she feel a special burden because of who this child was? Did she fear her mistakes more than others might, because of who this child was? How much did her son’s unique identity shape her reactions during her pregnancy, or did God grant her a special grace as she carried God incarnate, the Word made flesh? (I have friends who debate whether or not she suffered labor pains! I can’t answer that one!!)
I think all of these thoughts, all of these questions, are why I love this song. It’s so intimate… almost as though we’re eavesdropping on Mary’s prayer in the last hours as she travels to Bethlehem where she will deliver her son. We get a glimpse of the humanity that surrounds Jesus, of the ordinariness of the woman God chose to deliver Grace enfleshed.

My Catholic friends, please forgive me if it seems I make Mary too human. Yes, she is one of my heroes of the faith, like Peter and Paul… but what makes her heroic to me is her very humanity. It is the fact that she is so like me, so like my sisters, so like any other woman who could have lived, who has lived… but her life is so marked by the undeniable Grace of God that she is forever changed, forever marked by it. She is an Everywoman, a promise of what we can be if only we would trust in our Lord… not that we could give birth to our Savior, but that we could have an intimate, loving, personal relationship with him. She was the first to know the New Testament Christ, the revelation of God as personal and relational, as approachable, as fully God and fully Man… and it is that aspect of her life that marks her as remarkable to me, just as it is Peter’s rash foolishness and quick temper that highlight his humanity before God changes him and makes him a mighty man of Faith, or Paul, who has a murderous zeal for the law before meeting Christ and learning to see in a new way. It is the humanity of Mary and Joseph in these first moments that awe me; how great the grace of God that is poured over them to bear these unprecedented remarkable events.
You see, Beloved, seeing Mary as human, seeing Joseph as human, remembering that they were ordinary people… well, it gives me hope. No matter what I face in life… well, if God can grant ordinary men and women enough grace to get through 9 months of an unplanned pregnancy, a birth in a barn, and all that would follow… surely there is grace enough for what I must face.
As Mary sings “Breath of Heaven, hold me together…” I can sing it, with the confidence that the Breath of Heaven will indeed hold me together, that just as she was not alone 2000 years ago, neither am I tonight. Christmas, Beloved, Christmas is about hope and the faith to carry on when it seems you can’t. Surely that is worth celebrating?
Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.