6.25.2008

Musical Musing: “How Can I Keep From Singing?” Chris Tomlin

How Can I Keep From Singing?

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart
I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart
I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing
Yeah
I can sing!

Yes, I know, I did this song last month. That's how upbeat this song, how much fun it is, how much I enjoy it. You see, while it speaks to that idea of praising God even when we seemingly have no reason to praise Him, it also speaks to the joy and peace that flood over a believer firmly in the grip of grace.

When you can understand the freedom that comes with the grace I spoke about in my last post (Also Chris Tomlin, this time “Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone”), when you really experience that freedom for yourself, it is life changing. There is a peace that you cannot begin to imagine until you possess it, and that you cannot describe to those who do not own it. It really does “surpass all understanding”.

But it's more than just peace... it's joy. I'm not talking about a momentary happiness. This isn't the up and down emotional turmoil of the roller coaster of life, where you are happy in one moment and sad the next. This isn't dependent upon the events in your life. Even in your deepest griefs, you are able to cling to this joy. Even in your darkest heartbreaks, this joy shines. When you have no earthly reason to rejoice, the joy that comes with the experience of grace bursts through your life and gives you a reason to rejoice.

Paul gives us a beautiful instruction in his letter to the Philippian church. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” Rejoice in the Lord. And not just sometimes, but ALWAYS. And this instruction is so important, that he repeats it. It's as if he's saying “OK, folks, there will be a quiz at the end, and this will be on it. Rejoice! Did you get that? Rejoice!” You see, Beloved, rejoicing, living in this abiding joy, is one of the secrets to living the abundant life that Christ promised us.

I do not have the perfect life. I have many physical limitations and illnesses that trouble me. I struggle with headaches all the time (I've had one every day this week. Can they stop already? Please?) I have problems with my family, people with whom I am unable to have healthy relationships, and so I find I must have no relationship at all, much to my heartbreak. I cannot have children, and yet I have longed for them. I am the survivor of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. My father died when I was 17. There are numerous reasons why I could have turned my back on my faith, rejected God. There are countless reasons to be depressed, or afraid, or lost, or hurt. And when I did not understand Grace, the miraculous power of the love of God and His grace, I struggled with Paul's command to rejoice always. And to be honest, there are still time I struggle (particularly when the pain gets bad).

But that's the thing about grace-fueled joy. It's not based on my circumstances. It's not based on my past, it's not based on my present, it's not based on my future. It's not about who I am, or what I've done, or what I will do. Joy isn't about me. As long as I seek joy IN me, I will struggle, and so will you. But like Grace isn't based on what I've done to earn it, neither is joy.

Joy is founded in and fed by gratefulness to God. When I stop looking at myself, when I stop focusing all that's right or wrong in my life, and I look instead to the God who created me, to the God who loves me, to the God who redeemed me, and who will sing over me in joy when I am with Him in eternity, His joy pours over me. I am able to marvel is the greatness of God. I can stand amazed at the variety of His creation, at the beauty of His world, at the largess of His grace, at His consistancy, His power, His love. I can look at the clouds and enjoy them, knowing that nothing that will come from them is beyond His control. I can look at the grass and trees and marvel at the way they work... and that nothing man has ever built has ever done what plants do the way plants do it on the scale they do it, and isn't it just amazing that God didn't need a drawing board to think it through? Beloved, when I remember who God is, when I remember who I am, and who He's chosen to make me, I am awash in the joy of the Lord. That's rejoicing in the Lord.

God's Love is so big, so expansive, that we cannot begin to grasp it (and oh, what fun it is to try to gasp it, and then pause, and realize you haven't even gotten close, and it's even better than you've even begun to imagine!) I feel like I am a fountain, connected to the great Source of Living Water, and I am constantly being filled, even overfilled, by His Love. I feel like there's no getting close to me without getting splashed... not because of who I am, but because of how BIG He is, how big His love is. It is His love pouring through me that splashes those around me. And so, too, I think, is it with Joy. When I am rejoicing in the Lord, it's almost as if I'm somehow connecting to the Joy that God feels when He looks at His creation, and getting to share some of His joy. It's like plugging into a live wire!

Maybe that's why Christ told us to “abide in Him”... He knew that if we would but seek Him, if we would put Him first in our thoughts and our goals, that we'd plug into that Source of eternal life, and there we would find the Joy that carries us through. He knew what we could not: that we NEED joy to make it through this life we live, in this fallen world. It's why Paul tells us to rejoice... but not just to rejoice, but rejoice in the Lord. They're all telling us to plug in to God's Joy.

Beloved, if you're wondering how we can sing when it would seem we have no reason, I ask you, nay, I beg you, for the sake of your own soul, to find the Grace of God. You will never feel so free, you will never have peace like it, and you will never know the joy that sustains me in the darkest days, until you do. There is nothing in all the world like the Joy of the Lord, nothing. And when you've found Him, then you can join us... because really,

How can I can I keep from singing?!

6.23.2008

Musical Musings: Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone), Chris Tomlin

Now playing: Chris Tomlin - Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)
via FoxyTunes

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Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone), Chris Tomlin

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

I write these with the song on repeat on my laptop as I write, so I hear it over and over again as I write. I find myself struggling this time to put into words quite what I want to say; I'm stolen away again and again by the beauty of this song, these lyrics. And there are tears in my eyes (which is good... it makes it easier to see, actually!) because of the truth ringing through every word, every note.

Amazing Grace is not a new song. It was written around 1772 by a former slave trader (though not until some 22 years after he left the slave trade for health reasons) and has been used not only as a hymn in Christian churches, but also as an anthem for human rights groups. (See the Wikipedia article for more information on the history of the song and its author.) It's a favorite on bagpipes at funerals (and yes, I LOVE hearing it on bagpipes!) and was even in the second Star Trek film, the Wrath of Khan (yes, I recognised it the first time I heard it in the movie!). Because of it's simple meter, it gets set to other melodies, and even Elvis covered it.

But there's something amazing about this version by Chris Tomlin. It's simple, it's sweet, Chris' voice accompanied by a piano (and maybe a guitar?) and joined on the chorus for layers of harmony. But more than the simple majesty of the music, there is the message. And, oh, what a message.

The Creator of the universe pours out grace upon us to redeem us to Himself. The God who spoke time into existence, who breathes life into our frail bodies, who set the heavenly bodies in their courses, who divided the land from the sea and created every living thing upon this earth... this is the God who condescends to pour grace upon us and redeem us. This God who speaks from the whirlwind and in the whisper gave up the limitlessness of divinity for us.

Me. Who lied to my mother. Who hated my stepfathers. Who disobeys His commands. Me. In this frail, mortal body, marked by death (your very genetic structure contains a countdown clock until your death... the telomeres that shorten with every division until they no longer protect your cells genetic coding from mutation and error and death, that even cloning can't get around). Me. A housewife in suburban Oklahoma, on the edge between city and farm. Me. God gave up divinity for ME.

Stop for a minute, beloved, and reread that paragraph, but put yourself in it. Think about all the things about yourself, even the ones you never tell anyone, all the shortcomings and failures in your life. Think about every reason you don't deserve anything good. You know what they are. Even now, guilt is whispering in your ear.

Who am I, who are you, that God would descend from Heaven, would step from outside of time into entropy, would limit himself, for me, for you? What, Beloved, in your life deserves such a sacrifice? I know there is nothing in my life that is worthy of that sort of divine condescension. And if you are honest with yourself, truly honest, brutally so, you will know the same is true of you.

And that, Beloved, is what's so amazing about grace.

Grace is not given for what we do. It is not given for who we know. There is nothing in our lives that would merit what God did for us. Nothing. Even the good you do, you should be doing anyway, so it cannot outweigh the ill you do. Grace has nothing to do with who we are. Listen to me, Beloved. Grace has NOTHING to do with who we are or what we do.

Stop striving, stop struggling, stop fighting to be enough. Stop. You cannot earn grace. You cannot do enough. And while that causes a panic at first, doesn't it sort of feel good to just stop? Doesn't it feel good on some level to just stop fighting?

Grace is not about me. It's not about you. Grace is God. It's all about God. Grace is God, looking at us, seeing that we are completely unworthy, completely unable, and completely undeserving. Grace is the Creator of the universe seeing our failings... and overcoming them Himself. Grace is God stepping out of eternity, into time, and redeeming us from our mistakes. Grace is the divine condescending to come to earth, the Creator coming to His creation, and drawing us to Him.

Grace says you don't have to be enough. You don't have to do enough. Grace knows you can never be enough or do enough... and it doesn't matter. Grace comes to you, undeserving you. Grace says “Stop fighting Me, Beloved, and rest in My embrace.” Grace cries over the heartbreak “I love you, not for what you have done, but because of who I am. I love you, Beloved. I can do no other.”

I remember when my baby sister (she's 18 now, rapidly approaching 19, and less a baby... but she will always be my baby sister, a fact she's been told her entire life) was tiny. I was responsible for caring for her, and there were times I let her cry. I'd put her to bed, and she'd cry; babies never understand why you're going away, why they have to stop and sleep. They cry because their will is being thwarted and they don't know how else to protest. Sometimes, you just have to let them cry. It's part of how they learn to comfort themselves (“self-soothe”) and cope with the unfairness of life, even at that tender age. But sometimes, they don't know how to stop. I may have stepped away and let her cry her frustrations out... but I could hear when the cry changed from “this isn't fair!” to “I don't know how to stop!” And that's when I'd go back in to her. I'd scoop her into my arms and hold her. And she'd fight me; she was still upset, she still didn't want to be thwarted (though she certainly couldn't have put it in such clear, articulate terms). But she also needed me to hold her close, to comfort her, to soothe her and help her stop crying. I had to hold her tightly while she fought me, knowing that she wouldn't have peace until she trusted me enough to stop fighting. If you've spent time with small children, none of this should be surprising to you; you may have done this with your child, or niece or nephew, or grandchild.

That's Grace, Beloved. God steps down to earth because He sees we cannot stop by ourselves, and He holds us in His arms and lets us weep it out, lets us fight it out. He holds us close as we struggle, soothing us and waiting for us to trust Him enough to stop fighting.

When I tell you to stop, that's what I mean. God is waiting, Beloved, His arms outstretched, waiting for us to trust Him. And just as it feels good to be comforted in the embrace of another, to stop fighting and just let it go, oh, Beloved, how much better it feels when that embrace is God's.

I was bound in chains. I was blind, lost, confused. I could not even see the chains that held me. I could not tell I was blind. All I knew is that every day was an endless battle, a heartbreaking fight that sapped me of all my strength and life. I did not know I needed Grace... I did not know what I needed. I was suicidal from exhaustion... it wasn't a longing for death, it was a weariness of the existence I was leading. There was nothing in me that deserved what I needed.

And God ran to me. He was ever there, ever waiting for me to stop fighting and surrender to Him. Like my sister in my arms, fighting me even as she needed me, I had to give over my will to His... and oh, how much better it is now.

Beloved, Grace is available. It is ever unchanging, because it exists outside of the limits of time. It is eternal, always present, always working in us. And when the end of days comes, when the sun finally reaches the end of its life and the earth dies as all things must, Beloved, Grace is still there. You will never run so far that Grace cannot reach you. You will never unearn Grace... for indeed, if you could not earn it, how could you lose it?

Ah, you say, but if it is always there, then what is the rush? Or, perhaps you are mortified by so “easy” a Grace... you fear that Grace so readily reached is unappreciated and abused. You see, Beloved, another thing amazing about grace is what it does in the life of its recipient. Grace, freely given, lavishly poured out, a libation from God instead of to Him, forever changes those who receive it. Aware of our great need for it, our gratitude for it is great. Indeed, I would say that the greater our awareness of our need for grace, the more we receive and the more we appreciate it.

The best illustration I can offer for this comes from my marriage. You see, my husband loves me. I do not doubt this. It is tattooed indelibly on my soul. And I know, that like the grace I receive from God, my husband's love for me is not based on what I do for him, but rather on who he is. He has chosen to love me; he can do no other. There is nothing I could to take from him his love for me (though it should be noted that any spouse can grieve their partner past the breaking point... we are human, after all, with human weaknesses, and even my husband is only human). I could take advantage of that love and treat him horribly. I could trust that my husband will always be there for me, when I am ready for him, and run around on him, abusing him. I could trust that his love will always be there for me, and cheat on him, or even intentionally fight him. I could, if I so chose, intentionally make his marriage to me the most miserable thing ever he did.

But I don't. You see, because I am so keenly aware of just how precious my husband's love for me truly is, I treasure it. Because I know that there is nothing in me that he should love me, I treasure and prize and am extremely grateful for his love. I don't have to dress up when he takes me out; he loves me in pajamas as much as he does in fancy dresses. I don't have to do my hair when we go nice places; he doesn't care if my hair is up or down, grey or red, long... none of that matters to him. I choose to dress up, I choose to look nice not in order to earn his love, but out of appreciation for it. When people look at us, I want them to think well of my husband because of me. I want to reflect well on my Beloved. I want my life to be a witness, a testimony, of his love for me. Because he loves me, I change myself to be more pleasing to him in gratitude.

That's how it is with Grace. I don't live right in order to earn grace, just as I don't dress up to earn love. Because I am so keenly aware of my need, I treasure what I have been freely given as a gift. I don't take advantage of it, trusting it will always be there... because life is short, and the tomorrow I'm counting on may never come. I don't abuse the gifts I'm given, nor do I abuse the giver. And because I am so grateful, I change myself to please those who have given to me. I seek to reflect well on the one who gives to me. I live “right” not out of fear for my future, but to please the one who sealed my future.

And, that, Beloved, is Amazing Grace. Grace saw me in my wretchedness, in my lost, blind, chained state, wholly unworthy of it, and condescended to come to me anyway. And because Grace came to me, because I have been freed, I will forever live to please the one who freed me. Won't you stop fighting? Won't you let Him hold you close? I so want you to feel the thrill I do when I sing

My chains are gone!
I've been set free!
My God, my Savior, has ransomed me!
And like a flood, His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing Grace...
And God, who called me...
will be forever mine.


There is nothing like it in all the earth. Once you are free, you will marvel that you stayed chained so long. Life is sweet, Beloved. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him. (Psalm 34:8). Won't you come?

Musical Musings, Kutless "Better For You"

My decision can not be put off again
I see the right choice but my heart is filled with dread
It all seems backwards in my head, my head

I know it seems too wrong to be right
This way is so much harder to fight
But in the end I know it is true
This way is better, it's better for you

Choose a little pain and gain a life with joy
Accepting pleasure now will earn a life of pain
It all seems backwards in my head, my head

I know it seems too wrong to be right
This way is so much harder to fight
But in the end I know it is true
This way is better
It's better for you, for you

Sometimes I wonder why it's this way
When it's done the burden is gone
This discomfort will be taken away
As soon as it's over, it's over for me

I know it seems too wrong to be right
This way is so much harder to fight
But in the end I know it is true
This way is better
It's better for you, for you


I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7: 15, 18-19)


it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate." Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. (1 Corinthians 1: 19-25)


“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. (Proverbs 12:15)

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. (Proverbs 14:12 & Proverbs 16:25)

Christianity must seem foolishness indeed. We choose the hard path through life and say that the burden is lighter. We live in trials and praise God for His goodness. We seem to walk in the midst of contradiction and confusion. We speak of enthroning God in our lives and no longer being slaves. I can understand why it might be confusing.


God told us it would be confusing. He told us we wouldn't understand. He tells us that His ways are higher than ours. You see, Beloved, He's looking at an eternal view, while we study a small piece of the now. In our view, things are jumbled, confused, and ugly. But if we could see from God's persepctivce, we'd find that the view is as different as the back of a piece of needlework is from the front.


Let's take Joseph, for instance. God gives Joseph dreams. Joseph brags about them. Joseph gets thrown into a pit and sold into slavery. He finds favor with his master, only to be tempted by and accused of raping his master's wife. He's thrown into prison, where he finds favor with the warden. He interprets dreams, and is forgotten. He comes before Pharaoh to interpret his dreams, and is placed in charge of all of Egypt. It's easy to have a narrow view of things, to see all the ways his life went wrong and conclude (wrongly) that God had deserted him. But widen your view a moment.


Because Joseph is sold into slavery, he is brought to Egypt ahead of his family. Because he earns favor with his master, he is imprisoned instead of being executed. Because he lives faithfully, he is in a position to interpret dreams. Because he interprets them correctly and has shown faithful service to his masters that prospers them, he is placed in a position of power. There, he is able to prepare Egypt for the famine that brings his brothers back to him... where they bow before him just as they had in his dream. God uses the sins of the brothers to fulfill His plan for Joseph.


But wait... step back with me further. Because Jacob and his 12 sons come to Egypt during the famine for Joseph to take care of them, they are there for years. They wind up enslaved by the Egyptians, building their monuments. 400 years they toil until God raises up Moses and leads them from bondage into the promised land. God uses Joseph's position of power to woo his chosen people back to Him in one of the greatest demonstrations of His mercy and His power in history. Lives are forever changed through the Exodus... the nation is changed.


Wait, though. We still haven't stepped back far enough... there's still an eternal view we're missing. Because you see, Beloved, the Exodus, the Passover, the entire bondage of the nation of Israel foreshadows another Exodus, another Passover, another delivery from bondage. The lambs they killed in Egypt were a symbol of the Lamb who would be slain for their souls just as the lambs then were killed for their lives. The blood that signaled that they should be passed over, that they were the children of God was a hint of the blood that would flow to seal us for God later. And the bondage the Israelites escaped was but a whisper of the greater bondage of sin that Christ frees us from.


And I may still not have the full picture. I don't know. Because God's ways are so different from mine that I can't even begin to conceive of them. But can you begin to see how easy it is to fall into seeing the right now and losing sight of the eternal? God is so different from us that trying to understand Him and His motives is like trying to get an amoeba to understand our motives!


When you can't understand what God is trying to accomplish, even in the midst of the deepest hurts of our lives that we can't begin to grasp, I want you to stop. He didn't ask us to understand Him. Indeed, He pretty much promised we couldn't. When the Word of God seems to make no sense to you, I want you to stop and try to step back. Look for the eternal perspective. Remind yourself that it won't always make sense to us. But it doesn't have to. I want you to step back, reach for the eternal view, and trust that God's way, however baffling and confusing it is to us, it really is better.


6.22.2008

Musical Musings: Praise You In This Storm, Casting Crowns

Praise You In This Storm, Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm



The Health and Wealth doctrine is a lie from the depths of Hell. Yes, I said it. Anyone who claims that living a righteous life will bring you health and physical wholeness is wrong. It's true, that living a right life will preserve you from many illnesses and injuries, but it cannot guarantee that you will never be ill or broken. It does not guarantee life forever on earth. Death is a fact of temporal life. We cannot avoid it, and the longing for perfect health is just another manifestation of the fear of Death. The promise of the Gospel is not perfect health, but of a hope of Life after Death, the removal of fear through the great and merciful gift of God. Likewise, wealth is NEVER a promise in the gospel.

If you have been deceived into believing that life in Christ means that you will never again suffer, never again doubt, never again have a sorrow in life, you have been sorely mislead. Beloved, let me speak peace to your heart: just because you struggle with your faith or your health or your wealth, it does not mean that you do not have Christ. Do not doubt your salvation, beloved, when everything seems to go wrong. Our God is far greater than ANY trouble on this temporary Earth.

That's not to say that we aren't ever responsible for our troubles; certainly if you are doing drugs and living a promiscuous lifestyle, there is very little that stands between you and disease and death. I do not mean to say that we are never responsible for the choices we make, that we never suffer consequences for our actions. No: that, too, is a lie from Hell. Being a Christian isn't a get out of trouble free card, and grace is not a license to sin freely.

What I do want to share with you today, Beloved reader, is encouragement. I want you to learn to trust in God despite the challenges of life. I want you to find Him the one and only reliable comfort, even when it seems there is no comfort to be had. I want you to walk in obedience to His commands until He tattoos it onto your soul.

Christ Himself, God Almighty veiled in human form, suffered in life. He suffered the limitations of His human form, from His life as an infant, to His obedience to the parents He'd formed in love. He hungered. He thirsted. He became tired. He fasted for 40 days and nights, and was tempted. He was hated. Several times, hands were raised against Him. And then, Beloved, He was betrayed by one of those nearest Him, sold and arrested, beaten, spat upon, whipped, mocked, pierced. He was led before the people He'd come to save, and had to listen to them call for His death. Whipped to the point just before death (and indeed, many of those who suffered the beatings He did did not survive them), He was forced to carry the instrument of His execution through the city to the site of His death. There, He suffered for hours before willingly giving up His life, having to fight for each breath to speak every word He spoke before He let the Divine Spark within Him go.

How then, Beloved, do we think we will not suffer? If God's own Son suffered so, how are we to be spared? Indeed, Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit of God (His very breath, the pneumos) tells us that we are like sheep to be slaughtered. Jesus tells us that we will have no where to lay our heads. He tells us we will be persecuted. Hear the heartbreak at the Last Supper, when He tells Simon Peter, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."

You see, Beloved, the challenge of the Christian life, of being called by the name of Christ, is not that we lead the perfect life, that we never struggle, that we never falter. It's how we respond to the trials and tests and turmoils that come. Look at the life of Job. He was righteous; God Himself points him out as righteous and faithful. And yet, Job suffers. And as long as Job does not curse God or demand justification, Job never sins. Job only falters when he demands an answer from the Creator, daring to lift himself on equal standing with the God who made him.

God makes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust. Life is unfair. But Beloved, your heartbreak and your tears are not ignored. Psalm 56:8 tells us that God stores our tears, recording each one. In 2 Kings, God says that He has seen tears, and is moving on them. Your heartbreak has not gone unnoticed. Your pain is not empty or in vain. Your hurts are not ignored or forgotten. In Matthew, in the parable of the sheep and the goats, Christ says that things done to or for the least of His children are done to and for Him. He sees it all.

You see, the question is not if we will suffer. It's not even why we suffer... because to be honest, I cannot give an answer that will satisfy a broken heart (and I speak from profound experience here... even when I understand intellectually why suffering happens, it does not salve the wounds that God continues to heal in me). It's more... it's more a question of how we respond to our suffering. Do we curse God, and suffer lost, hopeless, and alone? Or do we dare trust that God has a purpose and plan to redeem our pain? Dare we trust God enough to praise Him for His goodness even when we struggle to see it?

That's what's at the heart of this song (and several others I've heard, such as “Held”). Our prayers to God don't make problems go away. It's learning to trust God despite the pain. It's having to faith to rest in Him when it seems we have no reason to. To praise God in the storm is not necessarily to praise Him FOR the storm, but to cling to the good things He's done and been, and to trust that even now, even in the storm and pain, He is still God, and He is still good.

When my father died, the last rock of my life was torn from me. He was the last person in my life that I really knew loved me. (It wasn't that I wasn't loved... looking back on my life as an adult, outside of the anguish of my upbringing and the torments of adolescence, I know now that I was always loved. But when I was young, I didn't know that... so the loss of my father was especially devastating.) I was truly in the midst of a storm, lost, confused, hurting. I didn't know whom I could rely upon; I'd lost the other person I knew loved me not even 6 months earlier.

I found myself clinging to the promises of God. I clung to Him, because I had to hold fast to something or be washed away in my grief. I would sing and sign silently to myself praise songs and promises just to keep it together. I learned the hard way to praise God in the deepest heartbreak of my life. And He was so faithful. He has never left me, never failed me. Even when He didn't calm the storm, He calmed me.

Beloved, you have, you are, or you will face a storm in your life. That is the nature of life. Don't listen to the liars who would discourage and defeat you by claiming your faith is too weak to be rewarded by God. Don't listen to the lies of Satan that would tell you you've failed, or that you are alone. I know, oh, Beloved, I KNOW how hard it is to find the strength to just get through each day... and it seems you have nothing left with which to praise God... and indeed, you wonder why you should, if this is what obedience to His word brings. I KNOW, Beloved. I may never have been exactly where you are, but I KNOW. And I tell you now that if you will consent to obey, even when you don't feel it, when you are honest with God and obey Him anyway, it will make a difference. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... but in time, you will look back, and you will find He was there the whole time.

I know you're tired. I know you're weak. I know you question God. None of those things are sins. Beloved, cry out to God. “Oh, Lord, I'm so lost. I don't even know if I can praise You... this hurt is so much bigger than I can bear. But, Lord, You said that You hold my tears. You said that You will bless us when we bless You. So Lord, I choose to stand in obedience on Your promise. I can't see the light at the end. I feel alone, Lord, and I need You now so much more than I can say. But I will choose to believe that You are here, with me. I will choose to believe that You have something in this I cannot see, I may never see, but that You have redemption for this pain. I can't pretend I won't struggle, and I so wish You could make me understand why, that You could just FIX this. But I choose to recognize that You give, and You take away, and You deserve praise no matter what happens now. Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

Beloved, you are not alone. Stand with me, take my hand as the rains pour down on us, and sing. Sing in obedience while God pours out the grace you so desperately need upon you, until you can sing in confident belief, even in your grief.

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

6.19.2008

100th post: Musical Musing: Kutless, "All Of The Words"

All Of The Words, Kutless

How do I speak of the indescribable to You
I will try to explain these feelings that are true
So looking to the sky I will sing and from my heart to You I bring

All of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship
I worship You

In your presence I forever choose to live
I will praise You for it's all I have to give
So looking to the sky I will sing and from my heart to You I bring

All of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship

By Your grace You let me come talk to You
It's not that I'm worthy I thank you Jesus
For the love that You have shown

All of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship

With all of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship
I worship You

I first heard this song on Scrubs; there have been several songs on the show that I have to download after I've heard them. It was surprising to me to hear a Christian song on a network show... but it's still an amazing song, so when I saw the episode again in reruns, I opted to blog about it.

I've felt like this many times in my life, that God is SO big, so far beyond our explanation that I can't even begin to describe who He is, what He is. His grace, given freely, is so much more than we can express, His love is so much greater than we can even begin to imagine. So much of my poetry and my blogging is an attempt to put into words that you and I, in our temporal, limited, mortal bodies and brains can understand, even though the concepts I long to express are so far beyond our comprehension.

For instance: God exists outside of the limits of time; He can see the future and the past in ways we cannot imagine. So, as the Voice of God speaks over the deeps in the first verse of Genesis, He knows already the entirety of history. He can see beyond the limits He builds into earth for our sakes. He sees the sacrifice His Son will make on our behalf. He can see the way we will all stumble blindly. He sees the hatred we will pour out on each other and on His perfect, holy, acceptable Son. And still He says “Let us make man in our image” and that we are “good”. His love breathed into us the divine spark of life, even as He knew it would cost Him His final breath.

How do I express how BIG an idea that is? How can I make real to you the amazing gift of grace that is in the act of creation, in the birth of time? How can I ever bring home to you the inestimable Love of God? And that's just one aspect of His great and mighty love. He is Creator, mighty enough to call existence itself into being, who sets the course of the stars in the heavens and the limits of the waters. He is God Almighty (All Mighty) who creates the great whales and squids and elephants and the smallest blades of grass and the mightiest forests with a word. He is Judge, who sees all that is done in time, and holds us accountable to Him for our actions... no injustice goes unseen, unanswered. He is Grace, pouring out His own life for offenses not His. He is Mercy, applying His sacrifice to our own account. He is Love. He is as far above us as we are above an amoeba. His ways are as far above ours as the sky is from the earth below it.

So I echo the cry of Kutless: How do I express the inexpressible? How do I speak of things that have been tatooed onto my deepest heart to anyone and ever do them justice? What can I do but pour out all my words, though they will never do God justice, though they can never explain who He is, what He is, how AMAZING He is? What can I do but try to find a way in our temporal bodies to pour out all of the Love He's poured into me? What can I do but raise my hands above my head in an attempt to give back every bit He's given me in worship?

I do sign language to praise songs in church; I'm hardly good enough to provide services to the deaf... I know just the 50-100 concepts needed for most praise songs. And yet, as I sing praise to my amazing God, I can no more still my hands than I could silence my voice... even in my limited way, I must pour out all of the words to express all of my love in worship.

Beloved, if you do not know my Jesus, if you have never met the Savior who gave all of who He is to woo you to Himself in love for you, please, do not go another minute. The words of your prayer are less important than the heart behind them.

“Dear God, I want to know You. I know that I have nothing of my own to bring You, nothing that would allow me to come before your perfection and power. Yet I believe that You still seek me, that You sent Your Son Jesus to win me to You. In His name, in His sacrifice, I come to You now. I don't even know where to begin, except to ask that You would draw near to me, make Yourself known to me, and teach me how to walk with You as You desire. In Jesus' name I ask these things. So May It Be.”

6.17.2008

Getting to know you...

Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun! Copy this entire email and paste into a new email that you can send, change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you. Some of you may get this several times (that means you have lots of friends).
1. What is your occupation? Volunteer in my church office, where I make the bulletin every week and then whatever else is needed, including most of the programs and tickets and such for dramas. In drama, too, and beyond that I'm a bad housewife and trivia weirdy.
2. What color are your socks right now? I'm not wearing socks, but the ones I took off a few minutes ago were these lovely soft red, pink and white striped ankle socks that were a gift from a friend.
3. What are you listening to right now? John's watching "Attack Of The Show", so I'm listening to that (they're reviewing DVDs)
4. What was the last thing that you ate? A piece of Subway sandwich, chips, oreos, and chocolate chip cookies.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? No. :(
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Indigo. That color that's somewhere between blue and purple, so blue you're not sure it's not blue, and yet still purple. It's so regal to me.
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Honestly? I have no idea. I haven't used the phone since I got home from the office this afternoon, so the last person I spoke to would have been someone calling the church... and I don't know who was the last one... I spoke to so many people today.
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Of course I do!!
9. How old are you today? 30 years, 6 months, 3 weeks and 4 days
10. Favorite drinks? chocolate milk, REAL hot chocolate, made with milk & cinnamon
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Something someone I love is playing, or football (the only sport I can really tolerate)
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? On a regular basis. But I keep it close enough to my natural color, just making it redder, that most people can't tell that I've dyed it.
13. Pets? 2 each dogs and cats, 3 of which are male, leaving me one lonely Lady Cat to keep me company in this sea of testosterone.
15. Last movie you watched? Die Hard 2, I think.
16. Favorite Days of the year? Nov & May 23. Nov is my bday, and the anniv of my first date with my hubby, the anniv of the day he proposed. And May is the day he married me!
17. What do you do to vent anger? Rant, rave, storm around, and then clean.
18. What was your favorite toy as a child? I don't know. Legos? And I played Barbies with my sisters forever. And I played with my uncle's toys, too.
19. What is your favorite season? WINTER. I love the cold. Hot is massive amounts of suck.
20. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, and kisses with my hubby.
21. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry. Fake Cherry is better than fake blueberries, and real cherries are awesome.
22. Do you want your friends to email you? Yes!
23. Who is most likely to respond? Dunno. Posting it on my blog...
24. Who is least likely to respond? Kimmie: she sent it to me.
25. What animal/vegetable or mineral would you be? Lion. Or Eagle. Or Dolphin. Ooooh... or cabbit!
26. When was the last time you cried? I think it was Friday, when I heard that a 12 yo lost her fight with Cystic Fibrosis. I didn't know her, but it was so sad.
27. What is on the floor of your closet? Laundry. And suitcases. And one has linens, and another has roller skates.
28. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? Probably Kimmie. Because I don't know that I'll send it to many people, so much as post it on my blog.
29. Who is the friend you have had the shortest that you are sending this to? The person who JUST found my blog and is reading this RIGHT NOW. Yes, you. :D
30. Favorite smells? Dark chocolate cake with cinnamon in it, Cinnamon anything, Dove soap, and Baby powder
31. Who inspires you? To be completely honest... my best inspiration comes from my Savior.
32. What are you afraid of? Spiders, but even more, of losing my husband.
33. Plain, cheese or spicy burger? Cheese. Esp with grilled onions & mushrooms, or lots of veggies.
34. Favorite car? Rentals. Its the only time I drive a new car. I wouldn't BUY a new car... but I love driving one when I rent.

6.16.2008

Heather = Nerd

I asked John to let me do the repairs to my machine... that I'd need his help, but I wanted to do the work. I'm sitting on my laptop now. The toasted drive is plugged into the old machine in the office so that I can get data off of it. It's awesome that I was able to do that.

Also: This is so awesome on every nerdy little level. Go ahead and laugh folks - just be sure you're laughing WITH us, and not at us. (For the record, I do not know these people, I am not one of the costumed people, I wasn't there when it happened. STILL awesome!)

It's not too late to get your tickets to "A Man Called Peter" at Rejoice Church. The $20 ticket includes your supper and $10 tax-deductible gift to Student and Drama Ministries Missions trips. The show is Friday at 7:00 pm.

6.09.2008

A small casualty

My laptop's hard drive crashed. *sniff sniff* All blogging and tweeting and general internet usage is limited until it's repaired (well, replaced) and then we will be hoping that I might maybe perhaps be able to get the most important files off my old toasted drive.

See you soon, I hope, folks!

6.05.2008

Musical Musing: Graceland, Paul Simon



I’m sitting here this morning, after being in the mood to hear “Graceland” last night (inspired by a trip through Memphis later this summer… not that we’ll necessarily go to Graceland, but it was brought up when I mentioned it to a friend). I LOVE this album, and so this is one of those rare musings that’s not over a specific song, but rather over an entire project by an artist.

Graceland is marked by African, Zydeco, and even Mexican sounds (including the song written by Los Lobos but not credited to them, “All Around The World or The Myth Of Finger Prints). Simon took the album on tour and played a concert in Zimbabwe that featured many of the African artists on the album, as well as several exiled South African singers. It’s from this concert that the above YouTube clips were taken.

The album may be old (it was released 22 years ago!), and many of the sounds in it may well be much older, but there’s still something alive about it to me. I love the mix of sounds, the way the voices overlap each other, the way the sound of the drums mix with the voices singing… almost as if the voices were an instrument of their own. It’s music like this that helps make my music collection so eclectic… I fall in love with a sound and seek out similar and other artists who are willing to explore the byways that led to modern American sound. (Watching Chevy Chase dance and lip synch in “You Can Call Me Al”, while silly and possibly a guilty pleasure, actually didn’t hurt either. ;) )

So often, music is a rehashing of what’s been done before, and not always a clever rehashing. I once fell in love with Stevie Ray Vaughn’s music, only to be disappointed when I could pick his music out, but not which song, because they all sounded so similar to my casual ear. I want unique songs, sounds I’ve not heard before, even if they’re older than I am. I want a sound that’s new to me… and even as old as this album is, it delivers a new and different sound (and it’s worth noting that this isn’t a new discovery; I was 8 when the album was released, and I grew up with the aforementioned video with Chevy Chase… I’ve loved this album every one of the past 22 years!).

Watching these youtube videos, particularly the one with LadySmith Black Mombaza, is an adventure to me. It seems to me that the lead singer is employing a sort of gestural language along with the words he’s singing (sometimes in English, but other times they’re singing in African languages… I don’t know which one(s)). His whole body tells the story in the song they’re singing. I see a sadness in their faces as they sing “Homeless”, and I wonder how many of them lived that life, or watched as loved ones, or people in their villages or townships, lived that life. Are they thinking about their home in South Africa, suffering under Apartheid at the time? The lyrics were written by Simon, but what is in the heart of these men as they sing it?

It’s easy for people in Western Culture, particularly for those of us in the United States, to forget how much our culture has been influenced and shaped by what came before. It’s easy to listen to rock music and forget that it rose from the sounds and rhythms brought over from Africa. It’s easy to listen to Santana and not consider how much of his sound comes from his Mexican heritage (though not hearing the Latin sound in his music would take work!) It’s entirely too easy for us to insulate ourselves in a single sound and shut out the wonders of music from around the world. Accordions are seen as unhip and not-cool, but how many of us actually listen to music with them? How many of us actually give them a chance to earn our respect? They’re all over this album, but more than that, they’re hiding all over the place in pop culture (Drew Carey, anyone?)

That’s one of the miracles of Graceland. It brought the sounds that were already in our music, in world music, and shared them in an intentional way with insulated American ears. After all, the sounds in Graceland may have been born Under African Skies, but that’s no reason they have to stay there!