Musical Musings: I Wanna Be There, Blessid Union of Souls

Won't you let me catch your fall
Won't you let me lend a hand
Those lonely eyes have seen it all
But love's too blind to understand
Cause you don't know what you have
Til your everything is gone
You need someone to show you how to live again

I wanna be there when you're feeling high
I wanna be there when you wanna die
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when you're feelin' down
And I'll be there when your head is spinnin' round
Gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
I wanna be there til the end

You wouldn't know that I was there
Cause I have been there all the time
And if I had my way I'd hold you in my arms
And leave this madness all behind

Cause you got so much to give
But you throw it all away
And all you got to show for who you are is pain

And I've got so much to give
If you'd only let me in
I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend
You'll believe in love again

I wanna be there in the pouring rain
I wanna be there when you call my name
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when I'm outta town
And when your whole damn world is crashing down
I'm gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
I wanna be there til the end

Cause you don't know what you have
Til your everything is gone
You need someone to show you how to live again

And I got so much to give
If you'd only let me in
I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend
You'll believe again

I wanna be there when your baby cries
I wanna be there when they tell you lies
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when your nights are long
And when you're feeling like you don't belong
Gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
Gonna be there til the end

I'm gonna be there in the morning
I'm gonna be there in the night
Gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
Gonna be there til the end

John gave me this CD while we were dating. This song is the first track on the CD, Blessid Union of Souls' self titled offering, and had heavy airplay on pop stations for a while there. It was sort of his promise to me. I had already told him most, if not everything, hidden in my closet. I figured that when he learned the truth about me, he'd want to leave...so I might as well get it out sooner rather than later, when it would hurt more for us to part ways. I've spent much of our relationship in fear of that, really, and for no good reason. He's never given me any reason to doubt him or his love for me, but for a very very long time, I couldn't accept that his love was unconditional. That when he told me that he loves me, there was nothing I could do to make him stop loving me, and that I deserved that from anyone. But he told me, time after time after time and again. John loved me when I didn't know how to be loved, when I didn't know how to love myself. (Yes, I'm crying as I write this today.)

Thank you, John. Thank you for keeping the promise in this song, for keeping the promise in our vows. Thank you for loving me despite me. I don't know that I can ever repay your faithfulness to me, your devotion, but let me assure you that I know well beyond the shadow of doubt that you love me. I love you more than I could have imagined on the day I married you, and I am eagerly looking forward to loving you all the days of our lives. Here's hoping that, no matter what our tomorrows bring us, we will hold to this promise and remember how our love has grown and deepened. When I forget why I love you, may I ever return to this moment, this memory, of the man who loved me back to love.