Musical Musings: Ordinary People, John Legend

Now playing: John Legend - Ordinary People
via FoxyTunes

"Ordinary People"

[Verse 1]

Girl I'm in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 2]

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

[Bridge]

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 3]

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow


I know I've done John Legend before, and I know that you don't expect to find secular music in a devotional. Bear with me. After all, if Paul could find the Creator in Athens' Unknown God (Acts 17:23), surely I can find something worth working with in a secular song?

When I first fell in love with this song and added it to my library, I marveled at the honest treatment of relationships in it. To take such a frank view of love, to admit that relationships take work and time to survive, but that in the end, it's worth it... I really liked it. And yes, I still see that in here, and that may well be why the original musing is included (if it gets included. If not, you can go back to my website hjourdenjackson.blogspot.com and read it).

But see, there's something I want us to consider beyond romantic love here. You see, while this is really directed at two people in a romantic relationship, there are truths here that go so much deeper, that call to the truths I find in existentialism. You see, there are things we can learn on the small level, to use in relationships with our lovers, but also to expand to a larger view of things and apply to how we relate to other people (and to be fair, Beloved, sometimes we need to take the way we treat others, outside of our family, and offer our families the same level of consideration and respect; it's too easy to take our loved ones for granted. But that's not the main thrust of my point today, so you're getting off easy).

I've discussed existentialism before, and I want to recap it very briefly here, just so that we define our terms. To me, existentialism is about stripping away all the definitions and labels (essence) we carry and getting back to the basics of sheer existence before we make value judgments about people. It strips away behavior and descriptors and respects and loves on the one thing we all share in common; we all exist.

There's more to it than just that, both my understanding and concept of existentialism, and to the larger ideas of Kierkegaard and Sartre (don't worry, you don't have to remember or know how to pronounce or spell the names). But for the purposes of what I want to discuss, that's the core: stripped to the basics, we are all the same. We are all, as Legend sings, Ordinary People.

So what? What's the big deal? Well, it's easy to forget that sometimes. It's easy to forget that there are very few truly evil people in the world (I won't say there aren't any; history proves me wrong on that count), but there are also very few true saints. Indeed... there are far more of the evil sorts than there are of the perfect; there's only been one of the perfect variety! The rest of us? We're all the same folks, the same average Joes and Joses and Joannas (or JoAmbers!).

That means we all make the same sorts of mistakes all the time. We mean to do well, but we make mistakes. He forgot your birthday. He doesn't hate you... he just... forgot. She interrupted you during the game. She doesn't hate you... she just... forgot. She's human, same as you. He's human, same as you. He cut you off in traffic. Her foot slipped off the brake at the red light and she brushed your fender. He miscounted your change. She wasn't Suzy Sunshine. Maybe they're having the same bad day you are... or worse. Maybe she's worried about a sick child she had to leave at home because she's working two jobs just to make ends meet. Maybe he's worried about a distant wife. Maybe she's worried about a mother who fell down at home, or a grandparent who's just been hospitalized. Maybe he just got distracted. Who knows? What was it the last time you were the one making the mistake?

Beloved, this life is short. We get 70? 90? 100? years on earth? And that's if we're lucky. We might get 2 minutes, 2 months, 2 years, 2 decades... you get the idea. You could spend your entire life going from one upset to the next, always angry with someone for some perceived slight. I'd about guarantee you won't get 100 years that way. Why should you waste the few days you get being angry and carrying a grudge?

Isn't it preferable to let go of the little stuff? Isn't it easier to forgive every time, 7 times, 70 times, 77 times, 490 times... or even yet, to choose to not let little stuff get under your skin? It's easy to forgive 490 times if there was never any offense taken. (Where am I getting those numbers? What's this 490 nonsense? Matthew 18:21-35. The Seventy Seven Times is considered by some to actually be seventy sevens of times, thus not 77, but 70x7=490!)

We're just ordinary people. We don't know which way to go. Maybe we should take it slow. Because Beloved, Life is too short not to spend yourself on Love.

Musical Musings: "Can Anybody Hear Her" Casting Crowns

Musical Musings: “Can Anybody Hear Her”, Casting Crowns
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her
If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her
Never even met her
(Never Even Met her)

Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? (Does anybody hear her?) Does anybody see? (Does anybody See?)
Does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple (shadow of her steeple)
With all the lost and lonely people (Lost and Lonely people)
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?

He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

My niece, the oldest of a dozen nieces and nephews, actually introduced this song to me, and when I listen to it, it gives me hope that God will preserve a tender heart within her… God can work with tender hearts in amazing ways if only we will let Him.
Beloved, we live in a fallen world. We live among people who make mistakes, who stumble and stutter their way through life. We live with people who hurt, with heartaches deeper than we can imagine, deeper than we can imagine. Just like you and I, who’ve had heartbreaks in our lives, who’ve borne wounds we weren’t sure we could survive, they, too, are broken and feel alone. Beloved, we live with people just like us. Or… almost just like us.
What’s the difference between “us” and “them”? Look past the behavior and look deeper, Beloved, and ask yourself, really, what the difference is. Why is it that when our hearts seem to shatter within us, we are able to get up again and keep going, and it stops them in their tracks? What gives us joy in the face of grief? What makes our lives seem so perfect from the outside looking in?
Christ. Christ is the difference between us. And I don’t mean the simple Sunday School answers… because when you’re really hurting, you need more than simple Sunday School answers to salve a broken soul. I’m talking about the living Christ, the resurrected Lord of the Gospel. The God who limited Himself to human form to redeem us to Him, the God who redeems even our heartbreak from the world to bring Him ever greater glory, the God who changes lives is the difference between us.
You see, Beloved, it’s not that I haven’t hurt in my life. It’s not that I’ve somehow led some charmed life where nothing has ever gone wrong. And even you, Beloved, reading this… you’ve got a heartbreak. You’ve got something in your past that was the deepest wound you’ve ever borne. Maybe it was a miscarriage… hoping beyond hope for a child, only to lose the baby before you had a chance to even name her. Maybe it was the death of a treasured love one. Or a divorce in the family. Or betrayal by a friend. I know there’s a hurt there. And in that way, we are no different from the lost that surround us. It’s what God has done with that hurt in our lives… it’s that we’ve come to a place where we gave ourselves completely to the God who gave Himself completely for us. It’s that we found the strength to surrender to Him. It’s the power of God to resurrect the death in our lives, trading it for His life instead. It’s the grace of God… for without it, we would be as lost as “they” are.
You see, Beloved, there is no “us” and “them”. There’s only “before” and “after”. They are the before picture, lost, stumbling, blind, confused, hurting. We are the after, eyes opened by grace, freed by grace, given peace and life and direction through the great and incomparable grace of God. And it is the deepest desire of God’s heart that we would ALL, every one of us, be an “after”.
God built us to be with Him. In the beginning, He created a garden for us to provide for us and then would come and just BE with us, walking and talking. When we fell away from Him, choosing our own ways over His, He provided us with a way to come back to Him, to walk again with Him in the garden. Even now, Beloved, He longs to woo us to Himself, to show us things of beauty and wonder, to walk with us in the garden.
So how do we get back there? How do we get from before to after? What does all of this have to do with the body of believers and the lost? Christ. Christ is the path that was made to get us back to the garden with God. He is the way. He is the door into the garden. He is the only way to God, no matter what this world would say otherwise. The redemptive work of Christ in our lives through grace takes us from before to after… indeed, that’s what I mean by “before” and “after”… before is our lives before experience the redemptive work of Christ, and after is our lives after we’ve been set free.
Oh, I know, this still sounds like a lot of Sunday School. And for a minute, it will still (though just because something sounds like simple drivel spouted without meaning doesn’t mean that it’s simple, meaningless drivel!). You see, Beloved, we Afters, we’re the Body of Christ in this world. We are His eyes, seeing the pain of our neighbors. We are His ears, hearing the cries of broken hearts. We are His hands, reaching out to the men and women stumbling in the dark. We are His feet, flying to those who so desperately need Him. We are His voice, speaking Love to wounded souls. We are the living embodiment of the change the Befores need, and if they never see it in our lives, will they ever see it at all?
It is past time for us to stop looking at this as an “us” and “them” issue. It is past time for us to stop judging our brothers and sisters for the mistakes they’ve made. It is past time for us to get down off the lofty pedestal we’ve lifted ourselves up on, to get down off our high horses. It is past time, Beloved, to humble yourself. Dare to look at the sinner not as a project or an object, but as a person in need of the same grace you need. There, but for the grace of God, go you and I.
I know what you’re saying. “That way lies madness! There are people who use compassionate people, who abuse goodness. There are people who are looking for every chance to wound and destroy! Why, if I were to give of myself that way, what would happen to me, to my family?” Frankly, you’re right. There are people who use good people. There are people who would take advantage of you. And you know what? You could die.
You know what, though, Beloved? You will die. I promise. Unless Christ comes for us first, death will come for you. Not might. Not maybe. Will. You can take that one to the bank, so to speak. But how will the Befores ever know Christ if the Body of Christ never reaches out to them? How are they to know a Jesus they never see? How will they ever stop being Befores, ever stop being people who use and abuse people and substances until the Body of Christ steps into their lives and shows them the difference?
And your family? You want to change your family? Show them the love of God in action. Show them the radical way that God loves people… not for what they can give Him, but because He can do nothing else. Let them see your life marked not by fear of what could happen, but by Love that changes lives. Let them see the way God’s love changes today, tomorrow, and forever. Demonstrate the history changing power of God, not by ignoring the lost, but by reaching out to them.
Where do I get off saying these things? Let me remind you of the Christ whose name you claim. This is the Man who dined with Tax Collectors (thieves) and prostitutes. This is the man who healed the demon-possessed and touched lepers. This is the man who fed thousands of hungry people who followed him. This is the man who forgave the men who drove the nails through his flesh.
Of course, if that’s not enough to convince you to love radically, (and really, if it’s not, then maybe you’re really a Before after all…) then what about this reminder?
The Sheep and the Goats
"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
Beloved, you and I are the ones who can make a difference. Stop judging, Beloved. What sin have they committed that carries them so far that the cross can’t reach them? Who are you to judge them as beyond the grip of grace? Who are you to deny them what you yourself have been given so freely? Who are you to disobey the example and the command of Christ to reach out even to the “least” among us?
OK, so now you’re feeling convicted, but you don’t know how to start. I could sit here and give you some concrete steps to take to improve your community… but sometimes, we have to start changing our hearts in order for a change in our lives to really take. So before you go looking for ways to reach out to the lost and hurting people in your life, I want you to pray. I want the heart that beats within you to be as radically changed as your soul was, for your life to really be renewed… because if you choose to do this in your own strength, through your own resources, you will wear yourself out, and you risk treating people like projects instead of people.
So how to start? Pray. Hey, you had to pray to find Christ, right? And isn’t the Christian life supposed to be marked by prayer? Why should this be different. Pray that you will see people the way God does. Pray that you will learn to see them with His eyes, not your own. Pray that He will prick your heart to tenderness for your fellow man. Pray that it will not be you loving them, but rather that you will be a conduit, a vessel, for the endless, unconditional love of God. Pray, Beloved, that you will be the Body, but that He will be the energizing force behind it all. Pray for God to change your heart until you become the man or woman He created you to be, useful to Him for His purposes. Pray, Beloved, that you will see yourself, your fellow man (and woman) and God in the proper perspective.
Then, and only then, Beloved, will you find the ability to love freely. Then, and only then, will fear fade. Then you will find that you can’t NOT love… that the option to not have compassion seems to almost disappear. It won’t make you a sucker. It doesn’t have to leave you a doormat or abused. You understand that you are the child of the King… and that the King takes care of His own. You begin to love as you never could have before. You begin to see as you couldn’t. You’re now equipped, Beloved, to reach out and LOVE the Befores… which is the first step in them becoming Afters! God will reveal the next step to you, far better than I ever could. You will truly become the body of Christ.
Beloved, God longs to redeem every soul on this planet. He needs you and I to see, to hear, to reach out to the people who feel invisible. They need hope. You’ve got it. Won’t you heed the call to Love?

Watch this space

Big changes are coming in the months to come. I've been writing for a long time, and I've been told for a long time that I need to be published, but I've never felt that the perfect storm of things had come together for me to feel like I could actually publish and do something meaningful and not just be another voice in the cacophany.

At least, I didn't use to.

Web 2.0 has changed a lot of things, beyond just the way we use the internet. Among the things it's brought is the right sets of tools and formats that I feel like I can actually try to publish without it being an exercise in futility and defeat.

It's going to take a lot of work, of course. Even when you consider that much of what I plan to publish in book form is already written, I have to save it and format it in a way that it works for a book, make sure that all my legal ducks are in a row, and actually assemble the book. And that's all just the work of getting the manuscript together, and doesn't include any new writing that will happen in the mean time.

As I'm struck by deep, ponderous thoughts, they'll still be here. As I'm struck with flighty silliness, well, those will likely stay here. But keep your eyes open. As we get closer to launch, there will be a new website, and I'll likely start hosting this blog over there. (I may even change which blogging service I use, but there will always be directions to get you there from here).

In the meantime? If you're the sort who prays, please keep me in your prayers. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of courage, to do this. I'll need your prayers.

Thanks, folks!

Musical Musing: “How Can I Keep From Singing?” Chris Tomlin

How Can I Keep From Singing?

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart
I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart
I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing
Yeah
I can sing!

Yes, I know, I did this song last month. That's how upbeat this song, how much fun it is, how much I enjoy it. You see, while it speaks to that idea of praising God even when we seemingly have no reason to praise Him, it also speaks to the joy and peace that flood over a believer firmly in the grip of grace.

When you can understand the freedom that comes with the grace I spoke about in my last post (Also Chris Tomlin, this time “Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone”), when you really experience that freedom for yourself, it is life changing. There is a peace that you cannot begin to imagine until you possess it, and that you cannot describe to those who do not own it. It really does “surpass all understanding”.

But it's more than just peace... it's joy. I'm not talking about a momentary happiness. This isn't the up and down emotional turmoil of the roller coaster of life, where you are happy in one moment and sad the next. This isn't dependent upon the events in your life. Even in your deepest griefs, you are able to cling to this joy. Even in your darkest heartbreaks, this joy shines. When you have no earthly reason to rejoice, the joy that comes with the experience of grace bursts through your life and gives you a reason to rejoice.

Paul gives us a beautiful instruction in his letter to the Philippian church. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” Rejoice in the Lord. And not just sometimes, but ALWAYS. And this instruction is so important, that he repeats it. It's as if he's saying “OK, folks, there will be a quiz at the end, and this will be on it. Rejoice! Did you get that? Rejoice!” You see, Beloved, rejoicing, living in this abiding joy, is one of the secrets to living the abundant life that Christ promised us.

I do not have the perfect life. I have many physical limitations and illnesses that trouble me. I struggle with headaches all the time (I've had one every day this week. Can they stop already? Please?) I have problems with my family, people with whom I am unable to have healthy relationships, and so I find I must have no relationship at all, much to my heartbreak. I cannot have children, and yet I have longed for them. I am the survivor of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. My father died when I was 17. There are numerous reasons why I could have turned my back on my faith, rejected God. There are countless reasons to be depressed, or afraid, or lost, or hurt. And when I did not understand Grace, the miraculous power of the love of God and His grace, I struggled with Paul's command to rejoice always. And to be honest, there are still time I struggle (particularly when the pain gets bad).

But that's the thing about grace-fueled joy. It's not based on my circumstances. It's not based on my past, it's not based on my present, it's not based on my future. It's not about who I am, or what I've done, or what I will do. Joy isn't about me. As long as I seek joy IN me, I will struggle, and so will you. But like Grace isn't based on what I've done to earn it, neither is joy.

Joy is founded in and fed by gratefulness to God. When I stop looking at myself, when I stop focusing all that's right or wrong in my life, and I look instead to the God who created me, to the God who loves me, to the God who redeemed me, and who will sing over me in joy when I am with Him in eternity, His joy pours over me. I am able to marvel is the greatness of God. I can stand amazed at the variety of His creation, at the beauty of His world, at the largess of His grace, at His consistancy, His power, His love. I can look at the clouds and enjoy them, knowing that nothing that will come from them is beyond His control. I can look at the grass and trees and marvel at the way they work... and that nothing man has ever built has ever done what plants do the way plants do it on the scale they do it, and isn't it just amazing that God didn't need a drawing board to think it through? Beloved, when I remember who God is, when I remember who I am, and who He's chosen to make me, I am awash in the joy of the Lord. That's rejoicing in the Lord.

God's Love is so big, so expansive, that we cannot begin to grasp it (and oh, what fun it is to try to gasp it, and then pause, and realize you haven't even gotten close, and it's even better than you've even begun to imagine!) I feel like I am a fountain, connected to the great Source of Living Water, and I am constantly being filled, even overfilled, by His Love. I feel like there's no getting close to me without getting splashed... not because of who I am, but because of how BIG He is, how big His love is. It is His love pouring through me that splashes those around me. And so, too, I think, is it with Joy. When I am rejoicing in the Lord, it's almost as if I'm somehow connecting to the Joy that God feels when He looks at His creation, and getting to share some of His joy. It's like plugging into a live wire!

Maybe that's why Christ told us to “abide in Him”... He knew that if we would but seek Him, if we would put Him first in our thoughts and our goals, that we'd plug into that Source of eternal life, and there we would find the Joy that carries us through. He knew what we could not: that we NEED joy to make it through this life we live, in this fallen world. It's why Paul tells us to rejoice... but not just to rejoice, but rejoice in the Lord. They're all telling us to plug in to God's Joy.

Beloved, if you're wondering how we can sing when it would seem we have no reason, I ask you, nay, I beg you, for the sake of your own soul, to find the Grace of God. You will never feel so free, you will never have peace like it, and you will never know the joy that sustains me in the darkest days, until you do. There is nothing in all the world like the Joy of the Lord, nothing. And when you've found Him, then you can join us... because really,

How can I can I keep from singing?!

Musical Musings: Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone), Chris Tomlin

Now playing: Chris Tomlin - Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)
via FoxyTunes

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Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone), Chris Tomlin

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

I write these with the song on repeat on my laptop as I write, so I hear it over and over again as I write. I find myself struggling this time to put into words quite what I want to say; I'm stolen away again and again by the beauty of this song, these lyrics. And there are tears in my eyes (which is good... it makes it easier to see, actually!) because of the truth ringing through every word, every note.

Amazing Grace is not a new song. It was written around 1772 by a former slave trader (though not until some 22 years after he left the slave trade for health reasons) and has been used not only as a hymn in Christian churches, but also as an anthem for human rights groups. (See the Wikipedia article for more information on the history of the song and its author.) It's a favorite on bagpipes at funerals (and yes, I LOVE hearing it on bagpipes!) and was even in the second Star Trek film, the Wrath of Khan (yes, I recognised it the first time I heard it in the movie!). Because of it's simple meter, it gets set to other melodies, and even Elvis covered it.

But there's something amazing about this version by Chris Tomlin. It's simple, it's sweet, Chris' voice accompanied by a piano (and maybe a guitar?) and joined on the chorus for layers of harmony. But more than the simple majesty of the music, there is the message. And, oh, what a message.

The Creator of the universe pours out grace upon us to redeem us to Himself. The God who spoke time into existence, who breathes life into our frail bodies, who set the heavenly bodies in their courses, who divided the land from the sea and created every living thing upon this earth... this is the God who condescends to pour grace upon us and redeem us. This God who speaks from the whirlwind and in the whisper gave up the limitlessness of divinity for us.

Me. Who lied to my mother. Who hated my stepfathers. Who disobeys His commands. Me. In this frail, mortal body, marked by death (your very genetic structure contains a countdown clock until your death... the telomeres that shorten with every division until they no longer protect your cells genetic coding from mutation and error and death, that even cloning can't get around). Me. A housewife in suburban Oklahoma, on the edge between city and farm. Me. God gave up divinity for ME.

Stop for a minute, beloved, and reread that paragraph, but put yourself in it. Think about all the things about yourself, even the ones you never tell anyone, all the shortcomings and failures in your life. Think about every reason you don't deserve anything good. You know what they are. Even now, guilt is whispering in your ear.

Who am I, who are you, that God would descend from Heaven, would step from outside of time into entropy, would limit himself, for me, for you? What, Beloved, in your life deserves such a sacrifice? I know there is nothing in my life that is worthy of that sort of divine condescension. And if you are honest with yourself, truly honest, brutally so, you will know the same is true of you.

And that, Beloved, is what's so amazing about grace.

Grace is not given for what we do. It is not given for who we know. There is nothing in our lives that would merit what God did for us. Nothing. Even the good you do, you should be doing anyway, so it cannot outweigh the ill you do. Grace has nothing to do with who we are. Listen to me, Beloved. Grace has NOTHING to do with who we are or what we do.

Stop striving, stop struggling, stop fighting to be enough. Stop. You cannot earn grace. You cannot do enough. And while that causes a panic at first, doesn't it sort of feel good to just stop? Doesn't it feel good on some level to just stop fighting?

Grace is not about me. It's not about you. Grace is God. It's all about God. Grace is God, looking at us, seeing that we are completely unworthy, completely unable, and completely undeserving. Grace is the Creator of the universe seeing our failings... and overcoming them Himself. Grace is God stepping out of eternity, into time, and redeeming us from our mistakes. Grace is the divine condescending to come to earth, the Creator coming to His creation, and drawing us to Him.

Grace says you don't have to be enough. You don't have to do enough. Grace knows you can never be enough or do enough... and it doesn't matter. Grace comes to you, undeserving you. Grace says “Stop fighting Me, Beloved, and rest in My embrace.” Grace cries over the heartbreak “I love you, not for what you have done, but because of who I am. I love you, Beloved. I can do no other.”

I remember when my baby sister (she's 18 now, rapidly approaching 19, and less a baby... but she will always be my baby sister, a fact she's been told her entire life) was tiny. I was responsible for caring for her, and there were times I let her cry. I'd put her to bed, and she'd cry; babies never understand why you're going away, why they have to stop and sleep. They cry because their will is being thwarted and they don't know how else to protest. Sometimes, you just have to let them cry. It's part of how they learn to comfort themselves (“self-soothe”) and cope with the unfairness of life, even at that tender age. But sometimes, they don't know how to stop. I may have stepped away and let her cry her frustrations out... but I could hear when the cry changed from “this isn't fair!” to “I don't know how to stop!” And that's when I'd go back in to her. I'd scoop her into my arms and hold her. And she'd fight me; she was still upset, she still didn't want to be thwarted (though she certainly couldn't have put it in such clear, articulate terms). But she also needed me to hold her close, to comfort her, to soothe her and help her stop crying. I had to hold her tightly while she fought me, knowing that she wouldn't have peace until she trusted me enough to stop fighting. If you've spent time with small children, none of this should be surprising to you; you may have done this with your child, or niece or nephew, or grandchild.

That's Grace, Beloved. God steps down to earth because He sees we cannot stop by ourselves, and He holds us in His arms and lets us weep it out, lets us fight it out. He holds us close as we struggle, soothing us and waiting for us to trust Him enough to stop fighting.

When I tell you to stop, that's what I mean. God is waiting, Beloved, His arms outstretched, waiting for us to trust Him. And just as it feels good to be comforted in the embrace of another, to stop fighting and just let it go, oh, Beloved, how much better it feels when that embrace is God's.

I was bound in chains. I was blind, lost, confused. I could not even see the chains that held me. I could not tell I was blind. All I knew is that every day was an endless battle, a heartbreaking fight that sapped me of all my strength and life. I did not know I needed Grace... I did not know what I needed. I was suicidal from exhaustion... it wasn't a longing for death, it was a weariness of the existence I was leading. There was nothing in me that deserved what I needed.

And God ran to me. He was ever there, ever waiting for me to stop fighting and surrender to Him. Like my sister in my arms, fighting me even as she needed me, I had to give over my will to His... and oh, how much better it is now.

Beloved, Grace is available. It is ever unchanging, because it exists outside of the limits of time. It is eternal, always present, always working in us. And when the end of days comes, when the sun finally reaches the end of its life and the earth dies as all things must, Beloved, Grace is still there. You will never run so far that Grace cannot reach you. You will never unearn Grace... for indeed, if you could not earn it, how could you lose it?

Ah, you say, but if it is always there, then what is the rush? Or, perhaps you are mortified by so “easy” a Grace... you fear that Grace so readily reached is unappreciated and abused. You see, Beloved, another thing amazing about grace is what it does in the life of its recipient. Grace, freely given, lavishly poured out, a libation from God instead of to Him, forever changes those who receive it. Aware of our great need for it, our gratitude for it is great. Indeed, I would say that the greater our awareness of our need for grace, the more we receive and the more we appreciate it.

The best illustration I can offer for this comes from my marriage. You see, my husband loves me. I do not doubt this. It is tattooed indelibly on my soul. And I know, that like the grace I receive from God, my husband's love for me is not based on what I do for him, but rather on who he is. He has chosen to love me; he can do no other. There is nothing I could to take from him his love for me (though it should be noted that any spouse can grieve their partner past the breaking point... we are human, after all, with human weaknesses, and even my husband is only human). I could take advantage of that love and treat him horribly. I could trust that my husband will always be there for me, when I am ready for him, and run around on him, abusing him. I could trust that his love will always be there for me, and cheat on him, or even intentionally fight him. I could, if I so chose, intentionally make his marriage to me the most miserable thing ever he did.

But I don't. You see, because I am so keenly aware of just how precious my husband's love for me truly is, I treasure it. Because I know that there is nothing in me that he should love me, I treasure and prize and am extremely grateful for his love. I don't have to dress up when he takes me out; he loves me in pajamas as much as he does in fancy dresses. I don't have to do my hair when we go nice places; he doesn't care if my hair is up or down, grey or red, long... none of that matters to him. I choose to dress up, I choose to look nice not in order to earn his love, but out of appreciation for it. When people look at us, I want them to think well of my husband because of me. I want to reflect well on my Beloved. I want my life to be a witness, a testimony, of his love for me. Because he loves me, I change myself to be more pleasing to him in gratitude.

That's how it is with Grace. I don't live right in order to earn grace, just as I don't dress up to earn love. Because I am so keenly aware of my need, I treasure what I have been freely given as a gift. I don't take advantage of it, trusting it will always be there... because life is short, and the tomorrow I'm counting on may never come. I don't abuse the gifts I'm given, nor do I abuse the giver. And because I am so grateful, I change myself to please those who have given to me. I seek to reflect well on the one who gives to me. I live “right” not out of fear for my future, but to please the one who sealed my future.

And, that, Beloved, is Amazing Grace. Grace saw me in my wretchedness, in my lost, blind, chained state, wholly unworthy of it, and condescended to come to me anyway. And because Grace came to me, because I have been freed, I will forever live to please the one who freed me. Won't you stop fighting? Won't you let Him hold you close? I so want you to feel the thrill I do when I sing

My chains are gone!
I've been set free!
My God, my Savior, has ransomed me!
And like a flood, His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing Grace...
And God, who called me...
will be forever mine.

There is nothing like it in all the earth. Once you are free, you will marvel that you stayed chained so long. Life is sweet, Beloved. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him. (Psalm 34:8). Won't you come?

Musical Musings, Kutless "Better For You"

My decision can not be put off again
I see the right choice but my heart is filled with dread
It all seems backwards in my head, my head

I know it seems too wrong to be right
This way is so much harder to fight
But in the end I know it is true
This way is better, it's better for you

Choose a little pain and gain a life with joy
Accepting pleasure now will earn a life of pain
It all seems backwards in my head, my head

I know it seems too wrong to be right
This way is so much harder to fight
But in the end I know it is true
This way is better
It's better for you, for you

Sometimes I wonder why it's this way
When it's done the burden is gone
This discomfort will be taken away
As soon as it's over, it's over for me

I know it seems too wrong to be right
This way is so much harder to fight
But in the end I know it is true
This way is better
It's better for you, for you

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7: 15, 18-19)

it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate." Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. (1 Corinthians 1: 19-25)

“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. (Proverbs 12:15)

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. (Proverbs 14:12 & Proverbs 16:25)

Christianity must seem foolishness indeed. We choose the hard path through life and say that the burden is lighter. We live in trials and praise God for His goodness. We seem to walk in the midst of contradiction and confusion. We speak of enthroning God in our lives and no longer being slaves. I can understand why it might be confusing.

God told us it would be confusing. He told us we wouldn't understand. He tells us that His ways are higher than ours. You see, Beloved, He's looking at an eternal view, while we study a small piece of the now. In our view, things are jumbled, confused, and ugly. But if we could see from God's persepctivce, we'd find that the view is as different as the back of a piece of needlework is from the front.

Let's take Joseph, for instance. God gives Joseph dreams. Joseph brags about them. Joseph gets thrown into a pit and sold into slavery. He finds favor with his master, only to be tempted by and accused of raping his master's wife. He's thrown into prison, where he finds favor with the warden. He interprets dreams, and is forgotten. He comes before Pharaoh to interpret his dreams, and is placed in charge of all of Egypt. It's easy to have a narrow view of things, to see all the ways his life went wrong and conclude (wrongly) that God had deserted him. But widen your view a moment.

Because Joseph is sold into slavery, he is brought to Egypt ahead of his family. Because he earns favor with his master, he is imprisoned instead of being executed. Because he lives faithfully, he is in a position to interpret dreams. Because he interprets them correctly and has shown faithful service to his masters that prospers them, he is placed in a position of power. There, he is able to prepare Egypt for the famine that brings his brothers back to him... where they bow before him just as they had in his dream. God uses the sins of the brothers to fulfill His plan for Joseph.

But wait... step back with me further. Because Jacob and his 12 sons come to Egypt during the famine for Joseph to take care of them, they are there for years. They wind up enslaved by the Egyptians, building their monuments. 400 years they toil until God raises up Moses and leads them from bondage into the promised land. God uses Joseph's position of power to woo his chosen people back to Him in one of the greatest demonstrations of His mercy and His power in history. Lives are forever changed through the Exodus... the nation is changed.

Wait, though. We still haven't stepped back far enough... there's still an eternal view we're missing. Because you see, Beloved, the Exodus, the Passover, the entire bondage of the nation of Israel foreshadows another Exodus, another Passover, another delivery from bondage. The lambs they killed in Egypt were a symbol of the Lamb who would be slain for their souls just as the lambs then were killed for their lives. The blood that signaled that they should be passed over, that they were the children of God was a hint of the blood that would flow to seal us for God later. And the bondage the Israelites escaped was but a whisper of the greater bondage of sin that Christ frees us from.

And I may still not have the full picture. I don't know. Because God's ways are so different from mine that I can't even begin to conceive of them. But can you begin to see how easy it is to fall into seeing the right now and losing sight of the eternal? God is so different from us that trying to understand Him and His motives is like trying to get an amoeba to understand our motives!

When you can't understand what God is trying to accomplish, even in the midst of the deepest hurts of our lives that we can't begin to grasp, I want you to stop. He didn't ask us to understand Him. Indeed, He pretty much promised we couldn't. When the Word of God seems to make no sense to you, I want you to stop and try to step back. Look for the eternal perspective. Remind yourself that it won't always make sense to us. But it doesn't have to. I want you to step back, reach for the eternal view, and trust that God's way, however baffling and confusing it is to us, it really is better.

Musical Musings: Praise You In This Storm, Casting Crowns

Praise You In This Storm, Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

The Health and Wealth doctrine is a lie from the depths of Hell. Yes, I said it. Anyone who claims that living a righteous life will bring you health and physical wholeness is wrong. It's true, that living a right life will preserve you from many illnesses and injuries, but it cannot guarantee that you will never be ill or broken. It does not guarantee life forever on earth. Death is a fact of temporal life. We cannot avoid it, and the longing for perfect health is just another manifestation of the fear of Death. The promise of the Gospel is not perfect health, but of a hope of Life after Death, the removal of fear through the great and merciful gift of God. Likewise, wealth is NEVER a promise in the gospel.

If you have been deceived into believing that life in Christ means that you will never again suffer, never again doubt, never again have a sorrow in life, you have been sorely mislead. Beloved, let me speak peace to your heart: just because you struggle with your faith or your health or your wealth, it does not mean that you do not have Christ. Do not doubt your salvation, beloved, when everything seems to go wrong. Our God is far greater than ANY trouble on this temporary Earth.

That's not to say that we aren't ever responsible for our troubles; certainly if you are doing drugs and living a promiscuous lifestyle, there is very little that stands between you and disease and death. I do not mean to say that we are never responsible for the choices we make, that we never suffer consequences for our actions. No: that, too, is a lie from Hell. Being a Christian isn't a get out of trouble free card, and grace is not a license to sin freely.

What I do want to share with you today, Beloved reader, is encouragement. I want you to learn to trust in God despite the challenges of life. I want you to find Him the one and only reliable comfort, even when it seems there is no comfort to be had. I want you to walk in obedience to His commands until He tattoos it onto your soul.

Christ Himself, God Almighty veiled in human form, suffered in life. He suffered the limitations of His human form, from His life as an infant, to His obedience to the parents He'd formed in love. He hungered. He thirsted. He became tired. He fasted for 40 days and nights, and was tempted. He was hated. Several times, hands were raised against Him. And then, Beloved, He was betrayed by one of those nearest Him, sold and arrested, beaten, spat upon, whipped, mocked, pierced. He was led before the people He'd come to save, and had to listen to them call for His death. Whipped to the point just before death (and indeed, many of those who suffered the beatings He did did not survive them), He was forced to carry the instrument of His execution through the city to the site of His death. There, He suffered for hours before willingly giving up His life, having to fight for each breath to speak every word He spoke before He let the Divine Spark within Him go.

How then, Beloved, do we think we will not suffer? If God's own Son suffered so, how are we to be spared? Indeed, Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit of God (His very breath, the pneumos) tells us that we are like sheep to be slaughtered. Jesus tells us that we will have no where to lay our heads. He tells us we will be persecuted. Hear the heartbreak at the Last Supper, when He tells Simon Peter, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."

You see, Beloved, the challenge of the Christian life, of being called by the name of Christ, is not that we lead the perfect life, that we never struggle, that we never falter. It's how we respond to the trials and tests and turmoils that come. Look at the life of Job. He was righteous; God Himself points him out as righteous and faithful. And yet, Job suffers. And as long as Job does not curse God or demand justification, Job never sins. Job only falters when he demands an answer from the Creator, daring to lift himself on equal standing with the God who made him.

God makes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust. Life is unfair. But Beloved, your heartbreak and your tears are not ignored. Psalm 56:8 tells us that God stores our tears, recording each one. In 2 Kings, God says that He has seen tears, and is moving on them. Your heartbreak has not gone unnoticed. Your pain is not empty or in vain. Your hurts are not ignored or forgotten. In Matthew, in the parable of the sheep and the goats, Christ says that things done to or for the least of His children are done to and for Him. He sees it all.

You see, the question is not if we will suffer. It's not even why we suffer... because to be honest, I cannot give an answer that will satisfy a broken heart (and I speak from profound experience here... even when I understand intellectually why suffering happens, it does not salve the wounds that God continues to heal in me). It's more... it's more a question of how we respond to our suffering. Do we curse God, and suffer lost, hopeless, and alone? Or do we dare trust that God has a purpose and plan to redeem our pain? Dare we trust God enough to praise Him for His goodness even when we struggle to see it?

That's what's at the heart of this song (and several others I've heard, such as “Held”). Our prayers to God don't make problems go away. It's learning to trust God despite the pain. It's having to faith to rest in Him when it seems we have no reason to. To praise God in the storm is not necessarily to praise Him FOR the storm, but to cling to the good things He's done and been, and to trust that even now, even in the storm and pain, He is still God, and He is still good.

When my father died, the last rock of my life was torn from me. He was the last person in my life that I really knew loved me. (It wasn't that I wasn't loved... looking back on my life as an adult, outside of the anguish of my upbringing and the torments of adolescence, I know now that I was always loved. But when I was young, I didn't know that... so the loss of my father was especially devastating.) I was truly in the midst of a storm, lost, confused, hurting. I didn't know whom I could rely upon; I'd lost the other person I knew loved me not even 6 months earlier.

I found myself clinging to the promises of God. I clung to Him, because I had to hold fast to something or be washed away in my grief. I would sing and sign silently to myself praise songs and promises just to keep it together. I learned the hard way to praise God in the deepest heartbreak of my life. And He was so faithful. He has never left me, never failed me. Even when He didn't calm the storm, He calmed me.

Beloved, you have, you are, or you will face a storm in your life. That is the nature of life. Don't listen to the liars who would discourage and defeat you by claiming your faith is too weak to be rewarded by God. Don't listen to the lies of Satan that would tell you you've failed, or that you are alone. I know, oh, Beloved, I KNOW how hard it is to find the strength to just get through each day... and it seems you have nothing left with which to praise God... and indeed, you wonder why you should, if this is what obedience to His word brings. I KNOW, Beloved. I may never have been exactly where you are, but I KNOW. And I tell you now that if you will consent to obey, even when you don't feel it, when you are honest with God and obey Him anyway, it will make a difference. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... but in time, you will look back, and you will find He was there the whole time.

I know you're tired. I know you're weak. I know you question God. None of those things are sins. Beloved, cry out to God. “Oh, Lord, I'm so lost. I don't even know if I can praise You... this hurt is so much bigger than I can bear. But, Lord, You said that You hold my tears. You said that You will bless us when we bless You. So Lord, I choose to stand in obedience on Your promise. I can't see the light at the end. I feel alone, Lord, and I need You now so much more than I can say. But I will choose to believe that You are here, with me. I will choose to believe that You have something in this I cannot see, I may never see, but that You have redemption for this pain. I can't pretend I won't struggle, and I so wish You could make me understand why, that You could just FIX this. But I choose to recognize that You give, and You take away, and You deserve praise no matter what happens now. Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

Beloved, you are not alone. Stand with me, take my hand as the rains pour down on us, and sing. Sing in obedience while God pours out the grace you so desperately need upon you, until you can sing in confident belief, even in your grief.

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

100th post: Musical Musing: Kutless, "All Of The Words"

All Of The Words, Kutless

How do I speak of the indescribable to You
I will try to explain these feelings that are true
So looking to the sky I will sing and from my heart to You I bring

All of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship
I worship You

In your presence I forever choose to live
I will praise You for it's all I have to give
So looking to the sky I will sing and from my heart to You I bring

All of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship

By Your grace You let me come talk to You
It's not that I'm worthy I thank you Jesus
For the love that You have shown

All of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship

With all of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship
I worship You

I first heard this song on Scrubs; there have been several songs on the show that I have to download after I've heard them. It was surprising to me to hear a Christian song on a network show... but it's still an amazing song, so when I saw the episode again in reruns, I opted to blog about it.

I've felt like this many times in my life, that God is SO big, so far beyond our explanation that I can't even begin to describe who He is, what He is. His grace, given freely, is so much more than we can express, His love is so much greater than we can even begin to imagine. So much of my poetry and my blogging is an attempt to put into words that you and I, in our temporal, limited, mortal bodies and brains can understand, even though the concepts I long to express are so far beyond our comprehension.

For instance: God exists outside of the limits of time; He can see the future and the past in ways we cannot imagine. So, as the Voice of God speaks over the deeps in the first verse of Genesis, He knows already the entirety of history. He can see beyond the limits He builds into earth for our sakes. He sees the sacrifice His Son will make on our behalf. He can see the way we will all stumble blindly. He sees the hatred we will pour out on each other and on His perfect, holy, acceptable Son. And still He says “Let us make man in our image” and that we are “good”. His love breathed into us the divine spark of life, even as He knew it would cost Him His final breath.

How do I express how BIG an idea that is? How can I make real to you the amazing gift of grace that is in the act of creation, in the birth of time? How can I ever bring home to you the inestimable Love of God? And that's just one aspect of His great and mighty love. He is Creator, mighty enough to call existence itself into being, who sets the course of the stars in the heavens and the limits of the waters. He is God Almighty (All Mighty) who creates the great whales and squids and elephants and the smallest blades of grass and the mightiest forests with a word. He is Judge, who sees all that is done in time, and holds us accountable to Him for our actions... no injustice goes unseen, unanswered. He is Grace, pouring out His own life for offenses not His. He is Mercy, applying His sacrifice to our own account. He is Love. He is as far above us as we are above an amoeba. His ways are as far above ours as the sky is from the earth below it.

So I echo the cry of Kutless: How do I express the inexpressible? How do I speak of things that have been tatooed onto my deepest heart to anyone and ever do them justice? What can I do but pour out all my words, though they will never do God justice, though they can never explain who He is, what He is, how AMAZING He is? What can I do but try to find a way in our temporal bodies to pour out all of the Love He's poured into me? What can I do but raise my hands above my head in an attempt to give back every bit He's given me in worship?

I do sign language to praise songs in church; I'm hardly good enough to provide services to the deaf... I know just the 50-100 concepts needed for most praise songs. And yet, as I sing praise to my amazing God, I can no more still my hands than I could silence my voice... even in my limited way, I must pour out all of the words to express all of my love in worship.

Beloved, if you do not know my Jesus, if you have never met the Savior who gave all of who He is to woo you to Himself in love for you, please, do not go another minute. The words of your prayer are less important than the heart behind them.

“Dear God, I want to know You. I know that I have nothing of my own to bring You, nothing that would allow me to come before your perfection and power. Yet I believe that You still seek me, that You sent Your Son Jesus to win me to You. In His name, in His sacrifice, I come to You now. I don't even know where to begin, except to ask that You would draw near to me, make Yourself known to me, and teach me how to walk with You as You desire. In Jesus' name I ask these things. So May It Be.”

Getting to know you...

Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun! Copy this entire email and paste into a new email that you can send, change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you. Some of you may get this several times (that means you have lots of friends).

1. What is your occupation? Volunteer in my church office, where I make the bulletin every week and then whatever else is needed, including most of the programs and tickets and such for dramas. In drama, too, and beyond that I'm a bad housewife and trivia weirdy.

2. What color are your socks right now? I'm not wearing socks, but the ones I took off a few minutes ago were these lovely soft red, pink and white striped ankle socks that were a gift from a friend.

3. What are you listening to right now? John's watching "Attack Of The Show", so I'm listening to that (they're reviewing DVDs)

4. What was the last thing that you ate? A piece of Subway sandwich, chips, oreos, and chocolate chip cookies.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? No. :(

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Indigo. That color that's somewhere between blue and purple, so blue you're not sure it's not blue, and yet still purple. It's so regal to me.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Honestly? I have no idea. I haven't used the phone since I got home from the office this afternoon, so the last person I spoke to would have been someone calling the church... and I don't know who was the last one... I spoke to so many people today.
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Of course I do!!

9. How old are you today? 30 years, 6 months, 3 weeks and 4 days

10. Favorite drinks? chocolate milk, REAL hot chocolate, made with milk & cinnamon

11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Something someone I love is playing, or football (the only sport I can really tolerate)
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? On a regular basis. But I keep it close enough to my natural color, just making it redder, that most people can't tell that I've dyed it.

13. Pets? 2 each dogs and cats, 3 of which are male, leaving me one lonely Lady Cat to keep me company in this sea of testosterone.

15. Last movie you watched? Die Hard 2, I think.

16. Favorite Days of the year? Nov & May 23. Nov is my bday, and the anniv of my first date with my hubby, the anniv of the day he proposed. And May is the day he married me!

17. What do you do to vent anger? Rant, rave, storm around, and then clean.

18. What was your favorite toy as a child? I don't know. Legos? And I played Barbies with my sisters forever. And I played with my uncle's toys, too.

19. What is your favorite season? WINTER. I love the cold. Hot is massive amounts of suck.

20. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, and kisses with my hubby.

21. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry. Fake Cherry is better than fake blueberries, and real cherries are awesome.

22. Do you want your friends to email you? Yes!

23. Who is most likely to respond? Dunno. Posting it on my blog...

24. Who is least likely to respond? Kimmie: she sent it to me.

25. What animal/vegetable or mineral would you be? Lion. Or Eagle. Or Dolphin. Ooooh... or cabbit!

26. When was the last time you cried? I think it was Friday, when I heard that a 12 yo lost her fight with Cystic Fibrosis. I didn't know her, but it was so sad.

27. What is on the floor of your closet? Laundry. And suitcases. And one has linens, and another has roller skates.

28. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? Probably Kimmie. Because I don't know that I'll send it to many people, so much as post it on my blog.

29. Who is the friend you have had the shortest that you are sending this to? The person who JUST found my blog and is reading this RIGHT NOW. Yes, you. :D

30. Favorite smells? Dark chocolate cake with cinnamon in it, Cinnamon anything, Dove soap, and Baby powder

31. Who inspires you? To be completely honest... my best inspiration comes from my Savior.

32. What are you afraid of? Spiders, but even more, of losing my husband.

33. Plain, cheese or spicy burger? Cheese. Esp with grilled onions & mushrooms, or lots of veggies.
34. Favorite car? Rentals. Its the only time I drive a new car. I wouldn't BUY a new car... but I love driving one when I rent.

Person Amy & Sally

Right click for SmartMenu shortcuts

Heather = Nerd

I asked John to let me do the repairs to my machine... that I'd need his help, but I wanted to do the work. I'm sitting on my laptop now. The toasted drive is plugged into the old machine in the office so that I can get data off of it. It's awesome that I was able to do that.

Also: This is so awesome on every nerdy little level. Go ahead and laugh folks - just be sure you're laughing WITH us, and not at us. (For the record, I do not know these people, I am not one of the costumed people, I wasn't there when it happened. STILL awesome!)

It's not too late to get your tickets to "A Man Called Peter" at Rejoice Church. The $20 ticket includes your supper and $10 tax-deductible gift to Student and Drama Ministries Missions trips. The show is Friday at 7:00 pm.

A small casualty

My laptop's hard drive crashed. *sniff sniff* All blogging and tweeting and general internet usage is limited until it's repaired (well, replaced) and then we will be hoping that I might maybe perhaps be able to get the most important files off my old toasted drive.

See you soon, I hope, folks!

Musical Musing: Graceland, Paul Simon

I’m sitting here this morning, after being in the mood to hear “Graceland” last night (inspired by a trip through Memphis later this summer… not that we’ll necessarily go to Graceland, but it was brought up when I mentioned it to a friend). I LOVE this album, and so this is one of those rare musings that’s not over a specific song, but rather over an entire project by an artist.

Graceland is marked by African, Zydeco, and even Mexican sounds (including the song written by Los Lobos but not credited to them, “All Around The World or The Myth Of Finger Prints). Simon took the album on tour and played a concert in Zimbabwe that featured many of the African artists on the album, as well as several exiled South African singers. It’s from this concert that the above YouTube clips were taken.

The album may be old (it was released 22 years ago!), and many of the sounds in it may well be much older, but there’s still something alive about it to me. I love the mix of sounds, the way the voices overlap each other, the way the sound of the drums mix with the voices singing… almost as if the voices were an instrument of their own. It’s music like this that helps make my music collection so eclectic… I fall in love with a sound and seek out similar and other artists who are willing to explore the byways that led to modern American sound. (Watching Chevy Chase dance and lip synch in “You Can Call Me Al”, while silly and possibly a guilty pleasure, actually didn’t hurt either. ;) )

So often, music is a rehashing of what’s been done before, and not always a clever rehashing. I once fell in love with Stevie Ray Vaughn’s music, only to be disappointed when I could pick his music out, but not which song, because they all sounded so similar to my casual ear. I want unique songs, sounds I’ve not heard before, even if they’re older than I am. I want a sound that’s new to me… and even as old as this album is, it delivers a new and different sound (and it’s worth noting that this isn’t a new discovery; I was 8 when the album was released, and I grew up with the aforementioned video with Chevy Chase… I’ve loved this album every one of the past 22 years!).

Watching these youtube videos, particularly the one with LadySmith Black Mombaza, is an adventure to me. It seems to me that the lead singer is employing a sort of gestural language along with the words he’s singing (sometimes in English, but other times they’re singing in African languages… I don’t know which one(s)). His whole body tells the story in the song they’re singing. I see a sadness in their faces as they sing “Homeless”, and I wonder how many of them lived that life, or watched as loved ones, or people in their villages or townships, lived that life. Are they thinking about their home in South Africa, suffering under Apartheid at the time? The lyrics were written by Simon, but what is in the heart of these men as they sing it?

It’s easy for people in Western Culture, particularly for those of us in the United States, to forget how much our culture has been influenced and shaped by what came before. It’s easy to listen to rock music and forget that it rose from the sounds and rhythms brought over from Africa. It’s easy to listen to Santana and not consider how much of his sound comes from his Mexican heritage (though not hearing the Latin sound in his music would take work!) It’s entirely too easy for us to insulate ourselves in a single sound and shut out the wonders of music from around the world. Accordions are seen as unhip and not-cool, but how many of us actually listen to music with them? How many of us actually give them a chance to earn our respect? They’re all over this album, but more than that, they’re hiding all over the place in pop culture (Drew Carey, anyone?)

That’s one of the miracles of Graceland. It brought the sounds that were already in our music, in world music, and shared them in an intentional way with insulated American ears. After all, the sounds in Graceland may have been born Under African Skies, but that’s no reason they have to stay there!

Musical Musing: “All You Need Is Love” The Beatles

All You Need Is Love

Love, love, love.
Love, love, love.
Love, love, love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy.

Nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

All you need is love (all together, now!)
All you need is love. (everybody!)
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need (love is all you need).

Yee-hai!
Oh yeah!
She loves you, yeah yeah yeah.
She loves you, yeah yeah yeah,

I feel like I’ve mused on this song before, but that’s one of the awesome things about the Beatles catalogue (and Across the Universe, the movie that celebrated the diversity and story telling of the catalogue); there’s so much there, so much that can be said of it, that even when I’ve finished with this one, I likely won’t be done. But if I get a bit repetitive of things I’ve said before, forgive me.

I’m a Christian existentialist. As I understand it, Existentialism puts existence before essence, and we are defined by our actions. Before you call me dark and moody or dismiss me as a nut, let me explain it this way. All of us are. Before I am a woman, or a wife, or white, or Christian, or straight, or a meat-eater, or a pet owner, or infertile, or any of the other millions ways to describe me, I am. When you strip all the labels away, all of the “essence” that makes me really me, you arrive at the fact that I exist. I am. My husband… before he is a man, or my husband, or white, or of Choctaw descent, or Christian or anything else, he is. If you strip away all the “descriptions” that are used to label and identify us, you come back to the simple existence. As an existentialist, I say that existence is more important than essence, meaning that the sheer fact that you are is more important, of more weight, of more value than any of the things that make up your essence, that make you identifiably you.

That’s important, because when we go back to that common ground, that we are before we are anything else, then we can learn to love and respect each other there. It no longer matters that someone is a different ethnicity, a different religion, a different nationality, a different history or perspective. They deserve (and receive) love and respect for their existence. And when you recognize that the rest is unimportant to their basic value as a human being, then you can celebrate the differences that make each of us unique. I can see the color of your skin as different, and yet no less beautiful, no less worthy, no less deserving than I am. I can view your religion, your nationality, your history and outlook, even when they’re different from my own, as paint over the basic canvas of you, and admire the skill and beauty with which you became the individual you are.

The other facet of existentialism is that we are defined by our actions. And if you think about it, we really are. Those who look at you, who see you, are left to describe and define who you are in their minds by only those things that have an outward effect on the world. They can’t read your mind or your intentions, they can’t know what you mean or meant… all they can judge by is outward actions. So yes, in a very real way, others form their definition of who I am based on my outward actions.

That’s important too. You may have heard that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”… we all mean to do the best, but how often do our actions have a negative consequence. It demands that we consider the consequences of our actions, not only on the immediate situation, but in the larger sphere of time yet to come and others all around us. If I’m hungry, feeding myself is a good and desirable thing. But beyond just feeding me what my tongue wants to taste, I need to consider the further actions of feeding myself. For one thing, I need to either grow my own food (and consider what eating now means to the future self who will need to eat again) or pay for it, either from the store or the restaurant. Just taking it affects the lives of others, who count on the income they make from selling things so that they can buy food and pay bills and meet their needs, etc. So even my appetite has an effect on other people, and on myself (and that’s before we consider what I should or shouldn’t eat for the greater health of my body). And since the people from whom I took the food don’t know why I took it, I am “thief” in their minds, and not “hungry person”.

Of course, the other side of that is to bring yourself to a place where you stop and think about the intentions of others. I know, that would seem to defy the fact that we can’t read intentions. But if I want people to give me the benefit of the doubt, shouldn’t I do the same? For instance: My father was in a car accident when I was 17. He died instantly. While there are many in my family who are still angry over that, I never really was. Not really. You see, I guessed at the probable, likely intentions of those involved in the accident. The man who caused it was almost certainly not looking to go killing people, did not mean to cause the accident, would not if he could do it over again, and was remorseful (maybe even still is) over the whole thing. The people driving the truck that drove into my father’s door weren’t driving around that morning looking for people to careen into. When you realize that no one intended for anyone to die that day, when you realize that they’re probably sorry it happened, that they would probably do things differently if they could have… that they are no different from who you are on the most basic level of who they are… how can you be angry with them?

Now, I’ll admit, I don’t always practice what I preach, and I’m AWFUL in the car. (No, really… I curse like a sailor at other drivers, even when I’m not driving. It’s really not pretty. I recommend against it.) But if I stop and think about it, if I put existence before essence, if I think about what they might have meant to accomplish by thinking about my own intentions and actions in similar situations, then life becomes more peaceful.

OK. I really did mean to say all of that, but none of it really got back to the song. But maybe I can tie my thoughts on the song to the above. Let’s see…

You may remember that I’ve said I believe God is in complete control of every atom in the universe (or multiverse, but that’s a bit of SciFi geekiness I won’t bore you with just now). That means that nothing happens without a reason, a greater purpose than just what we can observe… just as we can’t observe the reasons or purposes behind other people’s actions (Ha! Did it! W00t!!). We can’t know the mind of God, so we can’t judge why things happen. And His control, His omnipotence (or all-powerfulness, almightiness), requires His omniscience (all-knowingness). In other words, He can’t have control over everything without knowing it already.

If you stretch that idea, if you lay it like a blanket over your view of life, then you may be able to tell where I’m going with this.

“There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done”. On the one hand, because we are all equal on our most basic level, there’s nothing you can do that someone else couldn’t do. Anyone could do it. But more than that, there’s something comforting and reassuring in the knowledge that God is able to do anything we can do, and more. I can’t do something He can’t do… or even undo. I can’t mess up so big that God can’t bring me through it and work it to His glory. Because He knows everything, because He can do everything, because He is all powerful, nothing is impossible. And all you need to do what can be done is Love.

God is Love. 1 John 4:7. One of the deepest, truest, most stunningly life changing things in the bible, that I’ve ever found in my life, is in those three little words. God is Love. Go through the Bible and look at every verse that speaks of Love, and realize that they are all talking about the character of God. Love is patient, Love is kind. No really, look at what it says; all you really need is God. All you need is Love. Nothing you can do, Love can’t do. Nothing you can sing, Love can’t sing.

When it comes down to it, the only thing that only you can do, is learn how to be you. You can learn how to live your life, “play the game”, and be you. All you need in order to be the best you that you can be is Love. All you can do is be you, and all you need to be you is the everything of God.

And you know what? He loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves you yeah, yeah, yeah.

God loves you, Beloved. It’s His nature. It’s who He is. He can’t not love you. And you know what, that’s all you need. God’s love is so big, so expanisive, so everything, that it’s really all you need. All you need is Love. Love is all you need.

Oh, if only more people knew that. If only the people who gave us that awesome song, so full of amazing truth, had known the truth they were singing.