Randomness

OK, OK, I know, it's been a while since I posted. Months even. Yah, yah, deal wit' it.

Anyway.

OK, last time I posted, I had 2 kitties, 1 fish, a new puppy, and hopes that the heat had broken. I think Moe was still hanging on then anyway...

Moe didn't make it. Guess he knew his time was limited, and he floated finally. Poor Moe. I'd be more heartbroken if I hadn't bought him to amuse the cats anyway.

The break in the heat didn't really make it, either. We've not had a winter yet. In fact, if you're paying attention, and the news stops obsessing with the Left Coast long enough, you might notice that much of OK has burned in the past few months while a drought leaves us too parched to water willynilly, but fire dangers leave the risk of what happens if we don't water willynilly way too stinkin' high... I miss winter.

Bear's still here, and actually, so are Kit and Lady. Bear's been joined though, as of New Years Eve, by Grizzly, who looks like a bigger, redder version of the same dog. Grizzly taught Bear the fine art of running away multiple times a day, so we spent most of January trying to find new ways to keep the dogs in while they spent the time trying to find new ways of getting out. An electric fence has the problem almost solved, but they can still get out when we open the garage door...so we're still looking for a solution that will work there. Still, they're GORGEOUS dogs, very friendly, and so cheerfully, blissfully ignorant that running away is a bad thing when they get back (they LOVE car rides, the little stink pots)...we can't help ourselves; we love the little idiots. Actually...not so much little. Grizzly was 73 pounds when last we weighed him, and Bear was close to 30 pounds. They're very good at knocking me off my feet and dogpiling me...literally. Obedience school is coming in March....1 hour a week, for 8 weeks. Maybe we can get them to come when they're called, more than just when they're in the mood to...

John took a new job, leaving OneNet at the end of January. He'd been with them since Jan 01, so this is a BIG adjustment for him. It's with a new start up, and he's doing Wireless Internet Consulting. Actaully, at the moment, that means he's in Pittsburgh PA, planning to spend the morning driving all over Pittsburgh looking at trees and buildings and lights and towers to see what it will take to BUILD a wireless network for the entire city. When he gets home tomorrow, though, he gets a few weeks off from travelling, something we're both eager for.

I also took a new job, same company, different tune. See, the network guys go out and decide how to build their networks, then they come back, tell me what they saw, what that means, and I help write their reports and stuff. Anything that goes out anymore that required any writing prolly had a minimum of one of my fingers in it, at least to proof-read and grammar nit pick...stop laughing, really, I do well at my job!!

Jennifer moved to Beaver OK for about a month and then moved back to VA...but that meant I got to see my sweet Zoey bug again. My GOD, she's gorgeous. Yes, I am shamelessly in love with my neice. I adore all 9 of my neices, my nephew, and even the one on the way due this fall (Jen brought back something of her trip out here...but I met the daddy, and he seemed like a nice enough fellow, even if things didn't work out between them, sorry man!)

The current youngest neice, Emma, had heart surgery in January and is now home, recovering well. If you haven't been keeping up with Meredith's blog, you can do that here. Internet is amazing; I don't know that I could have stayed even remotely sane trying to keep up with the news from there without Meredy's updates to the web for us. My sister ROCKS. (Yes, all my sisters rock, thank you, I'm just citing one specific example at the moment :P ).

I'm now on my 4th (yes, FOURTH) bout of bronchitis for the 05-06 season. After the 3rd bout, I got the flu and pneumonia vaccines, and went in for allergy testing. 121 pin pricks later...I don't have to have allergy shots. That's something, at least. Alas, it didn't fix anything, or maybe, I wouldn't be on bout number 4. I'm off to a lung specialist next, because, seriously, this has to stop. Oh, and the doc yestererday mentioned that this might be mono, too. Yeah. No, I don't kiss any one but John, so no, I don't know how I got it. I went to San Francisco on a business trip with the guys...maybe I got it there. I don't know; I was healthy when I left OK, and I was sick before I got home. Who knows.

I hope to do more musical musings soon, but I don't know yet when...at the moment, being sick, I'm just taking each day as it comes, and going from there. Fortunately, the new job came with a laptop and the ability to work from home, so there's been little serious impact on my productivity that I haven't been able to work around. This is a very good thing. But alas, at the moment, my lungs are opting to leap out of my chest in yet another extended coughing fit (oh, wait, it passed, still...) so I'm going to cut this current stream-of-conciousness (or not) short, tell you all I'm still here, I still love all the same folks I loved before, and until you hear otherwise, that's pretty much not going to change.

See? That wasn't TOO painful, now was it?

Heather

Finally

It's going to take all day for it to warm up into the low 70s today, and then once it cools off, it looks like it just won't warm up that much again.

It's about time; I've been waiting months for autumn, and winter is one of my favorite seasons. After all, it's far easier to warm up when you're cold than it is to cool off when you're hot.

In the meantime, 9 days from today is my 28th birthday. Friday night I'm going out with friends for dinner; we're calling it my birthday party. Some have said it's pathetic that I'm throwing my own party, but I don't remember ever having a birthday party. Now that John and I have friends we enjoy hanging out with, people we LOOK for reasons to spend time together, I'm excited by the prospect of celebrating each other's birthdays.

I need to go; the cat's nearly drunk the fish dry again, and I have to get ready for a busy day of subbing.

Tidbits and Bytes

There's a new blog I'm trying to keep up with.

Full disclosure: It's my husband's. I don't understand most of the nitpicky details, but it's his, so I follow it. ;)

Musical Musings "Creed" Third Day/Rich Mullins

Artist: Third Day
Album: Offerings II: All I Have to Give
Track: Creed

I believe in God the Father
Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son, our Lord
He was conceived by the Holy Spirit
Born of the virgin Mary
Suffered under Pontius Pilate
He was crucified and dead and buried

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

I believe that He who suffered was crucified, buried, and dead
He descended into hell and on the third day, rose again
He ascended into Heaven where He sits at God's mighty right hand
I believe that He's returning
To judge the quick and the dead of the sons of men

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

I believe it, I believe it
I believe it
I believe it, I believe it

I believe in God the Father
Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son, our Lord
I believe in the Holy Spirit
One Holy Church
The communion of Saints
The forgiveness of sin
I believe in the resurrection
I believe in a life that never ends

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
I did not make it, no it is making me
I said I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

I believe it, I believe
I believe it, I believe
I believe it, I believe it
I believe it, I believe it
I believe it, I believe it
I believe it


OK, to be fair, this one is over more than just a song, because the song is lifted from the Apostles' Creed, which dates from approximately 150AD, 50 years after the New Testament was finished. The word catholic refers not to the Roman Catholic Church, but rather to the Body of believers that is the single, universal church, seperate from denominational divisions.

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.

He descended into hell.

The third day He arose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.

Amen.


I sat here this morning, listening to music, and I tripped across this one in my playlist, and wanted to listen to it again. I've listened to it before, I love this song, but there was something in it this morning. It laid me open, laid me bare.

Before you ask why, read the creed, think about what it says. Think about the truth at the heart of it. If you're a believer, stop and think about what this creed states about our faith. Can you sing along with Rich Mullins and Third Day as they do? Do you understand that this is the Truth, the Living Word, spoken to us, to make us, and no man could have made it up if they tried?

I recently read Lee Strobel's The Case For Christ. I was a believer before I read it, but I walked away from the experience amazed at evidence I'd forgotten or never considered. In the book, Strobel (or more accurately, his interviewees) points out the reasons why the Bible is trustworthy, why we can have confidence not only in the Historical Jesus, but in his claim to be the Living God, the Risen Christ. If you have not yet, you should read this book.

So, I ask myself; Do I believe in God the Father? Do I believe He made Heaven and Earth? Do I believe in Jesus, the Son of God, the Son of Man, the Savior, Redeemer, and Judge? Do I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, the Breath of God? Do I believe that Jesus had a virgin birth from a fallible, human mother? Do I believe that He walked the earth, ministered to the lost, healed the sick, raised the dead? Do I believe that He was innocent, but bore the weight of my failures on the cross, where He died, even as He fulfilled prophecies written centuries before his birth? Do I believe that He was raised again, bearing the keys to hell and death and with the power that overcame both? Do I believe that, after appearances to over 500 witnesses some of whom touched Him, He ascended into Heaven? Do I believe that He will return again someday, and at His return, He will judge everyone, living or dead, including the believers? Do I believe He is who He claimed to be? Do I believe that this is the very Truth of God, sent to earth, sent into time to redeem us to Him?

If you've concluded that I do, you're right. The more important question though, is this: Do you?

New Addition

Sunday, October 2, 2005, John and I brought a new addition to our home. That morning, at church, we saw a very friendly, adorable little puppy. No one took him home, and it looked like he was abandoned (which happens at church, often). John said we could bring him home that afternoon, and we did. Bear looks like he's a shepherd/chow mix, is about 13 weeks old now, and is incredibly enthusiastic and friendly. Go to http://www.xanga.com/private/home.aspx?user=hjourdenjackson to see his picture!

Morning Person

In case you ever wondered (and my family doesn't) I am SO not a morning person. I'm sitting here, "awake" at 6 am (ok, 6:15...I had to check my email first!), waiting for John to get out of the shower so I can get in, and all so I can go sub today. Now, don't get me wrong...I love to sub. I love the fact that it allows me to go back into the classroom, on my schedule. I get the joy of teaching without worrying about grading papers or writing lesson plans or holding parent-teacher conferences...at the moment, these are all very good things. And yes, by the time I get to the children, I'll be awake, really and truly. But right now, it's dark outside, my head hurts from the light I have to turn on to wake up, and my bed is screaming for me to come back to it for another couple of hours. Oh well, no one said being a responsible adult was easy.
I don't know if I'm a night owl, but since it's WAAAAAAAY easier for me to stay up late than it is to get up early, I'd guess that's me. Either way...if you see me before 8, I'm not actually awake yet. I may be functional, but I'm not awake. And no, I don't drink coffee, and it wouldn't help even if I did.
John's out, which means it's my turn to get a nice, hot shower...that might actually wake me up...

The Tragedy Katrina Revealed

Let me begin by saying that my heart breaks for the families and lives affected by Katrina and everything that has come since. I cannot even begin to imagine the nightmare you're living through now, and I know that there are entire families who have lost their lives this week...I grieve for you all. And yes, I have sent aid, thought I, myself, am unable to go and help. Please know that America supports you.

Now: What is happening in New Orleans right now is completely unacceptable. There are people stranded there who will probably die before they can be rescued because of the violence. People who have lost everything and are desperately seeking refuge are finding instead murder, rape, and rampant violence. Rescuers are being shot at instead of being appreciated or assisted. Men and women are shamelessly stealing everything that isn't nailed down...and no, I'm not worried about those who are stealing food to feed their families. These are the idiots stealing electronics and valuables. This is beyond shameful.

This behavior is why so many in the world call America the "evil empire"; it's this behavior that proves their point. This is when America should be gathering her strength and taking care of her people. This is when we should see the best of people, not their worst.

Of course, as I write this, I know that none of the people directly affected can see it...so if you're in a position to read this, you're also in a position to help them. Pray for the safety of the rescuers and the refugees. Pray that these people who've opted for anarchy and mayhem will come to their senses and stop hampering rescue efforts. Pray that those still stranded will be found before it's too late to help them. PRAY. If you can, GO. Go to the people and volunteer your time and energy. Look for survivors, look for ways to serve these survivors and the rescuers. Go and give of yourself in whatever way you can so you can show the refugees that life is worth living, and they will be able to find a way to go on when this is over. If you can't go, give. Give monitarily to the Red Cross. Seek out your local place of worship and see what they can suggest to getting aid to the people. Go to the Salvation Army and see what they can suggest. Go buy diapers, baby food, water, formula, toys for those children, clothing they can wear, clothing for the adults, baby wipes to clean bottoms and bodies; SOMEONE in your community will be able to tell you where and how to get things to them...or maybe, your local Salvation Army or homeless shelters can use these supplies and free up funds to send to relief efforts locally.

And yes, there is good happening. The refugees are being fed by volunteers, they're being taken to safety, and housing is being found as best as it can be. These people are worth fighting for, and they are being fought for.

The looters and rioters are trying to give this nation a black eye. If we will pour ourselves out for these who have lost everything, we can prove that this is a nation worth fighting for.

It's up to you. What are you going to do?

Random Morbid List

OK, so the things ON the list aren't so much the morbid bit here, it's what the list is for...and I reserve the right to grow it at anytime in the future...in fact, I'm certain it will grow. Somethings may drop off, others may replace them, or maybe it'll just grow and grow and grow...we'll see.
So why is the list morbid? It's a list of songs I'd like at my funeral. Maybe they're preludes, maybe they're before or after, or at the reception, (wake, whatever)...but these are songs I like, songs that I think do a good job of expressing how I feel about life or grieving, or loss or whatever. I just like them, and I think they'd be appropriate at a funeral.

And no, I don't think I'm going to be dead anytime soon, nor am I even remotely suicidal. Just...Odd. But then, if you know me, you knew that.

So, in no particular order and without any further ado: The first 3 entries

Mercy Me, Homesick
Natalie Grant, Held
Cindy Morgan, How Could I Ask for More

Musical Musings: "Your Love is EXtravagant", Casting Crowns

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate


In case you haven't figured this out yet, I usually muse about songs I like. This is one of them. It's simple, it's lovely, and even if it is a bit repetitive...there are worse things to repeat.

God's love as extravagant. Have you ever paired "extravagant" with God before? Had it ever occurred to you? American Heritage Dictionary defines extravagant in some interesting ways.
extravagant adj.
Given to lavish or imprudent expenditure: extravagant members of the imperial court.
Exceeding reasonable bounds: extravagant demands.
Extremely abundant; profuse: extravagant vegetation.
Unreasonably high; exorbitant: extravagant fees.
Archaic. Straying beyond limits or bounds; wandering.

God's love as lavish? Exceeding resonable bounds? Extremely abundant, profuse? Even exorbitant or straying beyound the limits or bounds. Have you ever thought of God's love that way before?

Yet that's what He is, that's exactly how to describe His love. I've long said that the Bible, from cover to cover, is a love story. It's the expression of God's love for us and the lengths to which He's gone to demonstrate it to us. You see love in the moment of creation, and I can almost hear the way the Word caressed the words spoken "Let us make man in our image". Can you hear the love there? "Come on, Dad...let's make them like us!" Oh, you can't? How about when you remember that creation was undertaken knowing that Man would stumble, would fall. Knowing that the death of Christ on the cross would be necessary to redeem us, listen to Him again. "Come on, Dad...Let's make them like us!" You don't hear God tempering love there...you don't hear the thing I think when I hear that. "Are you sure? You know it will cost your life to redeem them again. They'll hate you, they'll beat you, and they'll kill you. Are you sure you want to make them?" It's not until later you realize the extravagance of love that says "I know what's coming, I know what they'll do...and I love them, Dad, you love them, I love them, and I could no more not love them than I could cease to exist. Come on, Dad...Let's make them like us!"

What about in Daniel, Chapter 10? Christ appears to Daniel in a vision, and when He speaks to Daniel, he says "You who are treasured by God..." Treasured by God! Or John 3:16? God loved the world SO much that He gave His only Son!

John 13 introduces the last days, the last hours of Christ's life, his crucifixion, and his resurrection. The first verse...and this makes me cry, just to read it... John 13:1 says "Having loved His own who were in the world, He now showed them the full extent of His love." He washed their feet, but I think the love he showed them encompassed far more than that simple act of service. I think that statement...that He showed the full extent of His love...John's referring to the crucifixion.

Giving your life for the one you love. That exceeds reasonable bounds, that pays an exorbitant price. That's extravagance at it's best.

There are some reading this now who don't understand what I'm blathering on about, not yet, anyway. But I'm praying for you, dear reader, those who understand me as well as those who don't, that you may come to know just how extravagant God's love is. I'm praying that you will see what Jesus did when He showed the full extent of His love. I want you to fall in love with the Savior who's given everything for love of you.

Musical Musings: "Held", Natlie Grant

Natalie Grant - Held
From the album Awaken

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To Think That Providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is what it means to be held
and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held


I don't really know where to start on this one. I'd heard it before, but when Katherine sang it in church yesterday, it resonated with me, and I've been thinking of it ever since.

I think we all forget sometimes that, just because a Christian is saved, just because they have the abundant life that Jesus promises (John 10:10), that we'll never have trials, never have difficult days. We forget that Jesus told us plainly that we would have troubles (John 16:33), but not to worry, because He overcame the world. The promise was never that we wouldn't have troubles, that we wouldn't have trials and heartbreaks. That's the point of Job; God never told him why He allowed Job to suffer. It didn't matter. The question isn't why do we suffer, it's how do we respond to suffering?

We all have things in our lives that seem terribly unfair. There are things that happen in and around us that any attempt to explain away just belittles. There are hurts that shatter the heart beyond our own ability to imagine how they'll ever be healed. Chances are good you know exactly what I'm talking about, you've survived a hurt like this, or you're still struggling through it.

Infertility is proving to be one of those heart-shattering hurts. I've dreamt of my children, woken from my sleep to find my dream so vivid, so real, that I had cradled my dream child in my sleep. I've named them. I ache to hold them, and yet I wonder more and more often if I ever will. I don't question whether God can give me children, I don't question if He is in control in the midst of this. I know He is. I know that, if and when He's ready for my husband and I to have children, it will happen, and we'll concieve. But in the day to day, faith in God in the salve I have to soothe this mother's heart that bleeds within me.

This is what it means to be held. Not to be kept from hurt, but to be held through it. This is what it is to be loved, and to walk each moment, each hour, each day, in faith that God is in control, and that nothing can seperate us from that love...not even the deepest heartaches.

The promise was when everything fell, we'd be held.

Musical Musings: "Ordinary People", John Legend

Girl I'm in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow


I watch Daria on the-N, which follws each show with a music video, and therefore serves as an introduction to new music for me. (Please hold all cracks about my watching tweeny-bopper TV until the end.) Anyway, I saw this video at the end of an episode, and that episode is saved on my TiVo so I can listen to this song (until I make a point of going out to buy the album, anyway). It's rather minimalistic; the whole thing is shot in black and white. A man in a stark white room walks up to a gorgeous black grand piano (a Baldwin for those of you who care) drinking a glass of clear liquid. Setting the glass down and sitting down at the keyboard, he begins to play a simple melody complemented by a catchy rythym. As he sings, we rotate around him to see things going on around him. The first is a couple in the middle of a screaming argument. At the worst of it, she shoves him, and we see him slap her (though the actual impact of his hand on her face isn't seen, the lead up and reaction tell you what happened). The next couple is fighting with a little boy nearby, covering his ears so he doesn't have to hear them. She runs for the boy, grabs him up as though to leave. But he blocks her way, they fight while she holds the child, and at the worst of it, he tears the child from her arms, leaving her screaming. Next we see two women arguing, one younger than the other (I assume the younger is a teenager) walk up to an older man, and he joins the argument. You see the regret and hurt on all of their faces as they try to sort out what nexts, all of this while Legend plays the piano. The music swells and he is joined by a string section (20 more musicians) playing with him. You see the families making up, at peace, and most of them, wearing smiles.

I like the message I see here. It's positive, it's family building, and it's about the work it takes to make relationships work. Do I like the physical confrontations? Not at all...but in many families, this is the truth of fights. The first couple shouldn't be getting physically violent with each other, but neither of them is more guilty than the other (from the images we're shown). The second couple should consider their son before they fight, and he should never be dragged into a fight the way he is. But again, in many families, it happens this way. but the message in the song and in the images is the same either way: Love isn't always about feeling good or mushy-gushy. Eventually, love grows beyond "the infatuation phase"...and when it gets there, everyone involved has to work at it. We have a tendency to run headlong into things, and this song proposes slowing life down enough to work out the problems instead of just running from them. The writer doesn't deny that we feel like giving up, or even that some relationships can't survive the differences between people. But it reminds us from the title and through the song "We're just ordinary people". None of us has all the answers, and we all have different ways of seeing the same situations. He simply advises that we take time, make time, to fight for love, each remembering that the other knows no more about how to make things work than they, themselves, do.

We're just ordinary people; we don't know which way to go. Maybe we should take it slow. Are you?

Isn't She Lovely!

This is my Zoeybug.
No, she's not my daughter, she's my neice. I have other neices and nephews, but Zoey has been different for me somehow. This is the first little one who is related to me by blood, and that may be what makes her so different. And, I don't want you to think that I am less proud of the others; I dote on all my neices and nephew, I love them all.

But I'm sitting here tonight, looking at the pictures my sister sent of Zoey, and I have this Stevie Wonder song playing through my skull. I assume he wrote it for his daughter, Aisha, but I hope he'll forgive me for singing it for Zoey.

"Isn't She Lovely"

Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love we'd be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I can't believe what God has done
Through us he's given life to one
But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she lovely
Life and love are the same
Life is Aisha
The meaning of her name
Londie, it could have not been done
Without you who conceived the one
That's so very lovely made from love


Now, I like this song, and as I said, it keeps playing through my head...but when I get to the third stanza, I hear "Life is my Zoey, the meaning of her name..." and of course, I delight and thrill again...because Zoey's name comes from the greek word, zoe, which DOES mean life.


Well, all of this comes back to something I keep thinking, something that I've realised as I sit here thrilling in her sheer existance. You see, Zoey was born in July, and she lives 1500 miles away from me, so I've only ever seen her in the first two weeks of her life. Oh, those weeks I could be there, as I held her, as I rocked her and fed her and just adored her, everything was right. Here was this tiny little person, this little baby girl, and she could do nothing to make me love her, nothing to earn my adoration, and yet I could do nothing but love her. It thrilled my heart to hold her close, to kiss her head, to rock her to sleep, to watch her tiny face. And now, almost 8 months later, she still can do nothing to earn my love. I haven't seen her since then, and only now got more recent pictures of her. I am sitting here, looking at her picture, looking at her smile, at the gorgeous head full of blonde hair, and I am thrilled again in her existance. Just that Zoey IS is enough to delight my heart.
And that's when I realised that, the way I love her, the way I delight in her, is a portrait, however incomplete, of how God loves us. He doesn't require us to do or be anything to earn His love, just that we exist is reason enough. My God is thrilled that I am, just as I am thrilled that Zoey is.
When I see that kind of love, when I realise that I am loved the way I love her...I find that there is nothing I would not do for the one who loves me. I can think of nothing I would not do to delight Him, to add to His reasons to love me. I never want to disappoint Him, to hurt Him. This is why I live in obedience to His Word, not because I must to earn His approval, but because as I am here, secure in this pure and simple delight and love, I want nothing more than to continue to delight Him.
Thank you, God, for using my beautiful little Zoeybug to teach me more about You!
Isn't she lovely? Isn't He wonderful?

Musical Musings: "Only One Thing", "Still Here Wating", Todd Agnew

Artist: Todd Agnew
Album: Grace Like Rain
Song: Only One Thing

Only one thing cannot fail
Only one thing will never die
Only one thing is sure and stable
Even when I turn and turn and turn
Only one thing, deeper than the ocean
Only one thing is higher still
Only one thing has such devotion
Waiting arms wide until my will gives way

Your love reaches across the miles I raced
To separate me from You
Your love cradles me like a child when I finally reach for you
Your love's beyond my understanding
Only one thing

Only one thing is always faithful
Only one thing is ever pure
Only one thing, completely able
Only one thing will endure forever

Chorus

I could sing of Your love forever

Chorus

Artist: Todd Agnew
Album: Grace Like Rain
Song: Still Here Waiting

It's cold outside
Or is that just the chill I feel inside from standing here
Steeping in my shame
I can't deny
I'm surrounded by the very thing You freed me from
That's why I can't come home

I don't know where I turned around
From chasing what I always found completed me
More than I could dream
I don't know why I can't remain
Safe here where I always came to meet with you
And You always met with me
And You're still here waiting

I fail to see
Why You'd still be waiting to forgive me
After all that I have done
But I cannot say
That one time I returned and You had turned away
Your love never fails

Chorus

You say, "Come home" and You'll be there
I can run into Your arms

Chorus




"Your love reaches across the miles I raced / To separate me from You / Your love cradles me like a child when I finally reach for you / Your love's beyond my understanding"

"I don't know where I turned around / From chasing what I always found completed me / More than I could dream / I don't know why I can't remain / Safe here where I always came to meet with you / And You always met with me / And You're still here waiting"


Read those lines again. We run from the love of God, run from His grace and His blessings. But, no matter how far we've run from him, when we finally turn to Him, when we finally reach out for His rescue, we cannot go farther than His reach. No matter how far away we've wondered, He is ever waiting to reach across the distance and cradle us close when we realize we need him.

Imagine, for a minute, that you are the one doing the loving (and perhaps for some of those reading these words, that's not too difficult...you're a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child of someone who's repeatedly hurt you), and you love someone who either can't or won't love you back. You've reached out to them, you've only ever sought their best, and you can no more stop loving them than you can stop breathing. But, for whatever reason, they are unable to return your love. They run from you, they run to the very thing that harms them most, always putting distance between you and them. They return when they are broken, hurting, aching, and needing you to make them whole, and yet you know as you hold them close, they will leave again, they will run again to the things that hurt them. You know that no promise made will be kept, not for long, anyway. Tell me, could you keep doing that? Could you continue to love them no matter where they are, no matter how many times they abuse your love for them? Or would you eventually begin to lose faith in them, would the ache of your heart so frequently and consistently broken begin to cry louder than your love does, and you reach the point that you don't think you can do this again. Do you eventually reach your breaking point, your wit's end, and try your hardest to give up on them?

You wondering if I can somehow see into your heart? If I know you better than you thought I did? If I can read your mind? No, I can't, I don't. But see, I've loved that way, I've loved to my breaking point and beyond, emptied myself time and again for people who are too blind to even see what it takes for me to love them still. I may not have stood in your shoes, but I wear a pair very much like them.

But, as you sit here, empty, broken by someone who takes all you can give and spits in your face, stop, and read those lyrics at the beginning again. In your finite, imperfect understanding of love and of God, I want you to realize that God is the one who has loved with no return, given all only to be rejected time and again, nad you were the one running from Him. You don't have to ruin your life to bring your soul to ruin, and yet, He is still there, waiting, ready to reach over how ever much distance you've put between His love and your aching soul. God never reaches the point where He's ready to give up on you, where He's passed his breaking point and can give no more. God is ever ready to bring you back to Him, ever eager to cradle you close and heal your broken heart, wipe the eyes that have wept so hard it feels there are no tears left to cry, to set you free.

He is still here waiting, beloved. Be loved, come back to Him, and bask in His love that is beyond our understanding.

Basking in the Son

Matthew West - More
From the album Happy
Take a look at the mountain
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look round you
I'm spelling it out one by one

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today and tomorrow
I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today and tomorrow
I'll say it again and again
I love you more

I love you more, yeah
Shine for me
Shine for me
Shine, you shine, you shine for me

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today and tomorrow
I'll say it again and again

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today through the joy and the pain,
I'll say it again and again
I love you moreI love you more
I see you, and I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me


I was talking with someone recently, and they made the point that songs are not scripture, and once he conceded that those with lyrics lifter directly out of scripture would be the exception there, I agreed with him. But music need not be Scripture to speak great, life-changing truths, truths that can be found in Scripture. I cry when I sing along with this song. I lived a large part of my life believing that I had to earn the right to be loved, that, in myself, I was either inherently unlovable, or loved only for what I do or had done. I spent a good part of last year learning better.

I have known for a long time now that the Bible is a love letter from start to finish, and I have an unfinished work that seeks to highlight that fact. Every word ever spoken from the mouth of God rang with love. Every step His Son took was motivated by love, and perhaps none more than the steps to the cross and then out of the tomb. All of eternity is painted in love in shades we can’t even begin to fathom. This is tender love, the love of a parent and child, of siblings, of a master and his servants, of man and woman delighting in each other.

Perhaps you’ve heard the relationship of Christ and the church likened to a marriage. Perhaps you’ve learned that Song of Solomon is a portrait of marital love between the Lamb of God and His ransomed bride. Have you ever stopped and recognised your face in those verses? It’s there; Christ carved them into His hands Himself, the living Word of God. In Psalm 45, we hear of the marriage of the King and his bride. It is true of the historical King David...but more than that, it is messianic...meaning it applied to Christ, as well, the Messiah God provided for His people. In verse 11, the bride is told “The king in enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.”. If the King in Psalm 45 is understood to be Christ, then his bride is the church, it is you and I. Stop what you are doing right now and go look in the mirror. Study your face. You back? Did you see the Bride of Christ in that mirror? Did you see a bride whose beauty enthralls her king? Did you see the face Your Loving King longed to see in Song of Solomon? Go look again. It doesn’t matter how you think you look. The God who created you, who knit your inmost parts (Psalm 139:13) calls you out from the place he tucked you for safety: “My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” Did you catch that? “Show me your face....your face is lovely.” I was tormented in high-school. In addition to believing I was unlovable, all the “pretty people” shunned me. I came to believe I was ugly. I am overweight, I have pimples, I wear glasses, and I can’t bring myself to bother with tweezing my eyebrows or wearing makeup most of the time. But the God who formed me calls me lovely! He is enthralled with my beauty. He catches a glimpse of me, and my beauty captivates Him!

So what is my beauty secret? I was made by a God who does GREAT work. I have learned who I am, I have learned to bask in His love like lizards bask in the sun, and I am so overwhelmed at the love He shows me that I can do nothing but thank Him and love Him in return. And when I am completely surrounded in His love, when I am most aware of how great His love for me is...I have only scratched the surface. He loves me on bad days and good. Look at what Paul says in Ephesians 3:17-19: And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge..
He loves me. He sees me, He made me, and He loves me more than I can imagine, more than I can fathom, through the joy and the pain of my yesterdays, todays, and tomorrows, He loves me more than anything He has made. He loves you the same way. Join me, here where I bask. The love is GREAT.

Musical Musings: "Idescribable", Chris Tomlin

Chris Tomlin - Indescribable
From the album Arriving

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea,
Creation's revealing Your majesty.
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring,
Every creature unique in the song that it sings. All exclaiming...

(Chorus)
Indescribable, Uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God.
All powerful, Untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing God.

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go,
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light,
Yet conceals it to give us the coolness of night?
None can fathom...

(Chorus)

Incomparable, Unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing God.



I bought the "Arriving" CD for this song. When I read the lyrics to my husband, he commented that it sounds like the poetry I write, and perhaps why this peice resonates within me the way it does. Friday night, on the way home from a girls night out (went to go see Andrew Lloyd Weber's Phantom of the Opera), I heard KLOVE play it, and as I meditated on the lyrics, I was moved to tears...concerning, for a moment, my companions, until I explained myself. So what is my deal with this song?

Psalms, written by David, the flawed king of Isreal, described as a man after God's own heart, speaks of the glories of God repeatedly. In Job, God's answer concerns itself with the glories of His creation. In Genesis, from the first words of the Bible, we are confronted with the great and awesome power of God, who spoke all of creation into being. The uncaused cause, the unmade maker, the pre-existant existance that is our God, created space and time with a word. Without sitting down and sketching out a rough draft, God reached into non-existance and called forth existance. He created the universe we inhabit, ingnited the stars, and set the galaxies in motion. God formed the sun, and the moon to reflect it. He formed the earth, and then he made it a haven for his greatest creation. Having spoken everything in all of the universe into being, God Almighty reached down and formed man with His own hands. He breathed a living soul into us, making us to be like Him. He who is love desired to express His love in ways our minds cannot even begin to fathom, and He formed us to love us, even if we never loved Him back. He formed us to love us. The amazing thing about it, though, is the fact that, since He exists outside of the confines of time and space as we understand it, He could see all of eternity stretched out before Him before it was set into motion. Even as He contemplated the way He would love us, He could see the fall of Adam and Eve, the flood and Noah's ark, the crucifixion, and even you and I today. He made humanity to love humanity even as He knew we would betray Him. Knowing we would fail Him, knowing we would reject Him, still He loved us so much that He formed us anyway. He made us, He promised to love us just as we are, and asked us to choose to return His love, allowing us to refuse Him.
And this is the God who loves us. This is the God that, according to Zephaniah 3:17, will sing in joy over us. You and I delight our maker, and the love song He has prepared for us is far greater than any mind has imagined. I am certain that there is not a single thing outside of the all-mighty, all-powerful, grasp and control of my God. Not a wave, not a wind, not the smallest sub-atomic particle or force, nor the largest body in space. If there was anything outside of his reach, outside of His ability, He would be nothing remarkable, nothing to worship. But that is not the case, and no bolt of lightning strikes the earth without His direction or His permission.
That might seem hard to imagine. If God is so good, so powerful, why do we have the horrors we do on earth? Why would a loving God allow a hell to exist, much less condemn these people He loves so much to an eternity there? I know that these, and other questions are rolling about within you. They troubled me, too, for a long time. But see, when you begin to understand the nature of love, of holiness, of justice, of these things that God is, in His very nature, they begin to make sense. True love never obliges its own return. Love is at it purest when its object is free to reject it. If the one loved cannot choose to willingly love in return, than anything it returns is a mockery. So God, who is Love, made us so that we could reject Him, so that we could choose whether or not to return His love, so that when we do, it can be Love. However, when we see all things clearly, after death, choice is stripped away. In that moment, when we realise the true nature of God and His amazing love for us, we can do nothing but acknowledge Him. So if we are to be truly free, if our love for Him is to be pure, it must be sealed at the time we die. If, when we die, we have chosed to reject Him, to refuse Him, to reject His love and refuse to return it, that choice must be sealed at death if it is to be a choice at all. If you refuse Him, then He loves you enough to allow you to be seperated from Him...and Hell is born. No one is sent to Hell...they choose it, whether by comission or omission. He loves us enough to let us refuse Him. And what of holiness and justice? God is perfect, set apart, without flaw or failure. That is who and what He is. He is, by definition, seperated from imperfection. Justice requires an answer for failure, and Holiness demands perfection. But God is merciful, also, and He provided for His justice out of love. He gave us His son, the second who in the what that is our Triune God. Perfection, in the form of a man, in the body of the Christ, was made to become every imperfection in humanity, seperating Him from Holy God. He took all imperfection into death, defeating Satan's planned coup on the kingdom of God, and left it in death when He rose Himself from death's grip. Then He offered to allow us to claim His sacrifice for the Justice God demands.
This is the God who loves us. Seeing our failure, seeing our hearts and our imperfection, God created the universe and us. Seeing the cross and the price He would pay for our redemption, still He formed us to love us. The God who knows EVERY STAR by name, who has counted every hair on every head through eternity, who created us, knows us, and loves us anyway. You are amazing, God. You are truly amazing!

Musical Musings: "Show You Love", Jars of Clay

SHOW YOU LOVE
speak
and say the words that no one else will ever say
love
love like the world we know is over in a day

i'm gonna show you love in every language
i'm gonna speak with words that need no form
i'm gonna give you what you never had before

and you're beautiful
and i am weakened by the force of your eyes
so shine bright
to separate the truth from the lies
i'm gonna show you love

i'm gonna show you love in every language
i'm gonna speak with words that need no form
i'm gonna give you what you never had before

what you never had before
had before
so tie me to a tree and let the smoke and ash collect
no, i won't regret to let love do what love will let
and you can drown in mixed emotions and walk across an angry sea
this is the cost of being free

i'm gonna show you love in every language
i'm gonna speak with words that need no form
i'm gonna give you what you never had before

i'm gonna show you love in every language
i'm gonna speak with words that need no form
i'm gonna give you what you never had before

i'm gonna show you love, love in every language
i'm gonna show you love you never had before
i'm gonna show you love, love in every language
i'm gonna show you love you never had before
i'm gonna show you love

Words and music by Dan Haseltine, Charlie Lowell,Stephen Mason, Matt Odmark© 2003 Bridge Building Music, Inc.Pogostick Music / BMI / All rights administered byBrentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
(From the jarchives)

As told by Dan Haseltine:
Show You Love -In the last couple of years, through our work with Africans affected by HIV/AIDS and through brushes with the watching world, I have come to believe that love serves no end but to love. As Christians we have forgotten the concept, "They will know we are Christians by our love." This is such a statement of freedom! We do not need to preoccupy ourselves with the battle plan of witnessing or evangelizing to people. We do not need to find other means to let people know about the God we serve. We simply love. We love and God shows up. We love and we give, without any agenda. And thus our love becomes genuine and not simply a stepping-stone toward converting the lost. The act of loving without agenda is foreign to this world, and is how Christ is made manifest to those searching and to those running the other way. Our acts of love, kindness, and mercy will be our testimony about the way God has acted toward us. This is our response to worship, as well as our continual act of worship.

I LOVE this song.
It caught me at first with the lyric "I'm gonna show you love in every language, I'm gonna speak with words that need no form..." As one who is competent in speaking 4 languages and knows bits of several more, I am enticed by the idea of something that trancends language. There is a truth that is greater than any words or any language that tries to explain it. I truly believe that God, being omniscient, "speaks" every language spoken by every person who has ever lived on this earth. When we cry out to Him, He hears us, no matter what language we speak. And though we are taught that there are different languages because God confused the tongues of man at Babel, though the difference in language may come as a result of sin, all languages are fluently spoken and understood in Heaven. Paul may be speaking Koine Greek while Abraham speeks Ancient Hebrew, and Moses speaks some Egyptian dialect, and saints from every age of man speak whatever their native tongue was in life...in Heaven, all understand and all is understood.

I started learning languages in middle school. I continue to study them from a desire to do what this song suggests. When Jesus walked the soil of Israel 2000 years ago, He did not command people to clean up their lives. He proclaimed that a doctor comes to the sick, for the healthy need no healing. He calls people to Him just as they are, and He meets us at our point of greatest need...not in our self-suffiencies. I want to do the same. I want to reach people where they are, not where I want them to be. How can I tell a hungry world that Jesus loves them, just as they are, no more, no less, if I first expect them to change who they are and what language they speak.

The desire of my heart is to learn to live "Show you love". I want to love people by learning their language. I want to love them where they are, how they are, and for who they are. I want to show you love in every language, and to speak with words that need no form. I want to give you what you may never have had before...the incredible love of God, in all its depth, height, length, breadth, that surpasses all of our understandings and is greater than all we can ever hope or imagine. I'm gonna show you Love.

Musical Musings: I Wanna Be There, Blessid Union of Souls

Won't you let me catch your fall
Won't you let me lend a hand
Those lonely eyes have seen it all
But love's too blind to understand
Cause you don't know what you have
Til your everything is gone
You need someone to show you how to live again

I wanna be there when you're feeling high
I wanna be there when you wanna die
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when you're feelin' down
And I'll be there when your head is spinnin' round
Gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
I wanna be there til the end

You wouldn't know that I was there
Cause I have been there all the time
And if I had my way I'd hold you in my arms
And leave this madness all behind

Cause you got so much to give
But you throw it all away
And all you got to show for who you are is pain

And I've got so much to give
If you'd only let me in
I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend
You'll believe in love again

I wanna be there in the pouring rain
I wanna be there when you call my name
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when I'm outta town
And when your whole damn world is crashing down
I'm gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
I wanna be there til the end

Cause you don't know what you have
Til your everything is gone
You need someone to show you how to live again

And I got so much to give
If you'd only let me in
I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend
You'll believe again

I wanna be there when your baby cries
I wanna be there when they tell you lies
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when your nights are long
And when you're feeling like you don't belong
Gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
Gonna be there til the end

I'm gonna be there in the morning
I'm gonna be there in the night
Gonna be your lover
Gonna be your friend
Gonna be there til the end

John gave me this CD while we were dating. This song is the first track on the CD, Blessid Union of Souls' self titled offering, and had heavy airplay on pop stations for a while there. It was sort of his promise to me. I had already told him most, if not everything, hidden in my closet. I figured that when he learned the truth about me, he'd want to leave...so I might as well get it out sooner rather than later, when it would hurt more for us to part ways. I've spent much of our relationship in fear of that, really, and for no good reason. He's never given me any reason to doubt him or his love for me, but for a very very long time, I couldn't accept that his love was unconditional. That when he told me that he loves me, there was nothing I could do to make him stop loving me, and that I deserved that from anyone. But he told me, time after time after time and again. John loved me when I didn't know how to be loved, when I didn't know how to love myself. (Yes, I'm crying as I write this today.)

Thank you, John. Thank you for keeping the promise in this song, for keeping the promise in our vows. Thank you for loving me despite me. I don't know that I can ever repay your faithfulness to me, your devotion, but let me assure you that I know well beyond the shadow of doubt that you love me. I love you more than I could have imagined on the day I married you, and I am eagerly looking forward to loving you all the days of our lives. Here's hoping that, no matter what our tomorrows bring us, we will hold to this promise and remember how our love has grown and deepened. When I forget why I love you, may I ever return to this moment, this memory, of the man who loved me back to love.

Christmas 2004

Humbly born to humbly serve
Merciful Savior of the sons of the earth
Righteous One of immeasurable worth
This moment belongs to You

Denying Your glory as Lord Most High
Born as an infant, You came down to die
Wonderful Counselor, The one True Light
This hour belongs to You

Born in a stable, hay for Your bed
Your blood our wine, Your body our bread
To pay for my failures, You died instead
This day belongs to You

Your miraculous birth announced by a star
With hope in the promise, men traveled far
Unblemished Lamb now bearing my scar
This season belongs to You

Alpha, Omega, the First and the Last
Hope of our glory, You delivered our past
Hold us faithful to You ‘till we breathe our last
Eternity belongs to You

Boycott Target

I have decided that Target, apparently, doesn't need my money. Perhaps they've decided they don't need yours, either, and you just don't realise this yet. Maybe you think they still do, but in the effort of having an informed public, I thought I would pass along the reasons why I've decided to boycott Target stores.It seems that Target, or at least the powers that be that run the chain, has decided that middle-class American values are unimportant. There are two main indicators of this, either of which alone would be enough for me to boycott the chain. However, combined, it seems overwhelming reason for me to eschew shopping there (besides the fact that there are no convenient locations for me, and the one I was in last was laid out terribly). It seems Target will no longer allow the Salvation Army bell ringers to operate outside of their stores, and a recent commercial featured porn king and mogul Hugh Hefner.As regards the Salvation Army Ban: I am aware that the corporate offices of Target support many charitable causes. I am also aware that Target, like Wal-Mart and many other stores, has a no-solicitation policy. That means that the stores do not allow other organizations to use the store premises to solicit, or ask for, money or donations from shoppers. It is meant, I presume, to prevent the shoppers from being harrassed everytime they arrive at the store. I appreciate this policy and the presumed intent behind it. However, stores regularly bend this policy for certain groups and oganizations. Scouting groups often wait outside to sell cookies or candy, as do other school groups, to raise funds. Until this year, the Salvation Army bell ringers had been among the groups excepted from this policy, and indeed, if you will visit just about any mall or Wal-Mart store, you will find the familiar bucket and bells. These men and women come out to raise funds so that children from underpriviliged families are able to enjoy their Christmas. The donations from those buckets enable the Salvation Army to minister to the poor and homeless of our society. This year, Target stores have decided that they will no longer make an exception for the Salvation Army. The bell ringers and their buckets are excluded from their stores and property. This is especially unfortunate when you remember that Target stores carry merchandise priced inbetween the prices at a Wal-Mart and a Sears. In other words, if you can afford to shop at Target, you are far more likely to be able to give generously to those in need. Target has taken the convenient reminder many people use to give, and removed it. Granted, if motivated, people will still give, regardless. But by prohibiting the bell ringers, they put an obstacle in the way of charity. Shame on you, Target.Hugh Hefner: One of the recent commercials for Target featured a "family" gathered for Christmas morning, all in their pajamas, opening their gifts. Hugh Hefner, in his signature pajamas, is among them. It seems to me to be a mockery of the happy family dynamic portrayed to include the man who founded and leads an empire of exploitative pornography. This is a man who leads a life of leisure built on the graphic and explicit naked bodies of young women. Many may debate the amount of damage pornography causes to the American family, but I think many people realise that pornography is not exactly conducive to the type of happy family portrayed in this commercial. The inclusion, then, of Hugh Hefner in the scene of the happy family scene, when he has been instrumental in destroying that very family dynamic, is insulting and a mockery at best.Since it would seem that Target is out of touch with moral values, then I choose allow them to be out of touch with my monetary values. Perhaps boycotting the store, refusing them my money, will show them the importance of not ignoring morals and values. If there is anyone from Target reading this post, please pass these concerns along to your decision makers.

In Memory of Dr. Gary Chancellor

A very dear friend of mine died Saturday evening. He'd been very sick for about 2 months before he died, but I don't know that any of us, when this started, saw his death as the end of his ordeal.
I met Gary Chancellor in August 1996, when I enrolled in one of his French classes at Oklahoma Baptist University. Gary was an excellent professor, an excellent teacher, an excellent educator. But he was more than that. Gary was, as his wife still is, a remarkable friend. I trusted his advice and coveted his prayers. In a time when we are told that we, as christians, may be the only "Jesus" some ever see, Gary was consistantly an illustration of our great Rabbi and master. I'm not saying he was perfect; no one is. But he was beyond good. He was consistant and faithful in his witness and concern. He could have just presented the material and expected us to learn it or not on our own, but he went beyond that. He found new and different ways to involve us in the learning process, and when I taught last year, I wanted to be for my students at least a little of what he'd been to me. One semester, after surgery that summer, he held class in his home, welcoming us in graciously. I could call Gary and ask for help on minor, unrelated stuff...such as whether or not cheese could be frozen.
I was able to open myself up to Gary and Mary, his wife, to trust them with my deepest heart and hurts. They never failed to encourage and love me, giving me guidance without judgement or impatience. I truly thank my God that He let me meet and get to know this faithful servant of His.
Gary, you are already deeply missed. Still, I know that even now, you walk the streets of heaven with our savior, and I rejoice for you and your release. May the God of grace you lived to those around you now fill us all with much needed comfort and blessings of mercy.
The Lord bless you and keep you
The Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you
The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26
Gary's obituary in the Shawnee News-Star

I wish we'd all been ready

I called my aunt eariler this week. Tuesday, I think. Uncle Don would make his final trip to the hospital that day, but when I called, he was still at home and she was about to go run errands...things like buying him more of those Boost drinks, since that was all he could stand anymore. But I had to do something I had never done for my father, something that had bothered me for almost 10 years. So I called.
See, I really began to come into my faith in September 1994. I had been raised in churches all my life, but it wasn't until September 7th, 1994 that I think I was really and truly saved. It was after that date that I see the change in my life. Not that suddenly everything was OK, because it wasn't, and in some ways, life actually got harder. My great-grandmother, a woman who had always been dear to me and my greatest defender, had died the month before, and the last time I would see my father's face in his life was just a month away...not that I knew that at the time. But I know I changed that day. School started a day later than usual that year; our schools didn't open until the Tuesday after Labor Day, but that year, we were another day later than that for Rosh Hashana. We weren't Jewish, and I can barely remember any of my friends that I remember as being Jewish...the school board decided we all got a pass, so it happened that the first day of my Junior year in high school was a Wednesday that year. Anyway, since I'd been in the school for two years, I already had my designated place where I hung out at lunch everyday, and the first day I picked up just as if I'd been there the day before, and headed off that way. That would be when I noticed a scared-looking freshman. High school can be an overwhelming place in general, and the layout of our school certainly didn't help things...so I detoured to go see if I could be of any help. Later I ran into a guy I'd "dated" in 8th grade and the beginning of 9th...until he'd actually used the "If you loved me, you would..." line on me. He gave me a note...well, a letter really, that caught me up on his life from that day...and thanked me for refusing him. He said I'd been a real witness to him. I hadn't said no to him so I could show him the love of Jesus...to be honest, I think I was afraid of sex by that point...afraid of getting hurt. But it had been a witness to him, probably in those long nights of deep depression he talked about before his son was born. I'd meet his son later that week or the week after. Anyway, that night, at my church youth group, I remember my youth pastor talking to us...and I realised, possibly for the first time, that God had a plan and a purpose for my life. I realised that God was going to use me to reach those around me...and he could do it with or without me. I chose to go along with him for the ride. I prayed to give God complete control of my life (not that I didn't stumble on that point, not that I don't still stumble to this day), and I honestly believe that was the day I was truly saved.
Anyway, as I said, this was September 1994. February 23, 1995, my father died. It was a car accident, and I've been told that his neck was broken and that his aorta may have ruptured. He was declared dead on the scene...and they told me that meant he probably never knew what happened. He didn't suffer. He was just...gone. My sister declared God awful for taking her daddy away, but I just clung to the promise of Lazarus in John 11. Not that my Daddy would walk out of the grave and suddenly be alive (though I certainly would have loved for that to happen), but that the God I choose to serve has the power over death, and when I got to heaven, I'd see my Daddy there. Alas, this is where the heartache and guilt set in; for all the wonders of my new-found faith, I realised I had never really shared it with him. Those summers we stayed with him, he always took us to Vacation Bible School, we went to the Methodist church where he'd worked, but I'd never made it a point to tell him about the new hope I'd found. It didn't matter that my father was this terrifically wonderful man. It didn't matter that he was one of very few people who'd ever gotten it through to me that I was loved. I sincerely believe (and still do) that mine is an exclusive faith; You must recognise you have a problem, namely, that there is a high standard for "earning" heaven, and every single human on earth falls way short of it (since no one is perfect, and that's the stamp they check for at the door, so to speak), then you must admit that you, by yourself, can never overcome this problem (you can't make yourself perfect), then you must recognise that not only does God exist, but that He lovingly provided THE only way back to Him, to heaven, in the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. You have to recognise that only the death and resurrection (yes, He rose again!) of Jesus Christ are capable of getting you to heaven, of covering all your imperfections so that, when you get to heaven, all they see is Christ's perfection. You have to repent, or turn, from the futility of trying to find your own way to heaven and follow God. You can't be good enough, no amount of good will ever outweigh the bad you did in your life. Only a confession of your inadequacy and God's sufficience can save your soul.
See, for all the ways my Daddy was a good man, I didn't know if he'd ever figured that point out. I didn't know if he'd ever been told the truth, and if he'd ever really taken the opportunity to be saved. And here, I had figured this part of the truth out, and I didn't share it with him. And, unlike his parents, who are mormons who believe you get a second chance after death, I don't believe that. See, the way I understand the Bible is that you get one life, and if you don't get it in this life, you don't get another chance to figure it out when you die. There is no Purgatory to work off your sin, no re-incarnation, no afterlife baptism. This life, this trip around the sun, is all you get. So I lived for almost 10 years wondering if I could have done better...if my father is waiting for me in heaven, or not, and if I had actually told him, would that have changed. I recently asked my mother, who knew him in those first years of my life (they got married 9 months exactly before I was born), in those days when he left mormonism and converted. She said that he had made such a profession of faith in those years...and that was what I needed to set my heart at rest. I don't know if he meant it when he said it, I don't know if he ever really sold out to the God who gave all for him, but I know now that he had been told truth...he knew what it took to get to heaven.
Anyway, I told you all of that to explain why it has been so important to me to have called my aunt before my uncle died. See, my aunt is still very close to my grandmother, who is still a devout mormon. My aunt comforts herself with the idea that if we futz things up in this life, we can fix it all in eternity, after we die. I don't know what my uncle believed. I never really knew him that well. I mean, I remember him as my uncle all my life, but even when we lived closer, we didn't go visit very often. And my aunt adores me, so she tells people about me all the time (as evidenced when I went up in July for a brief overnight visit and people I had never met and others I barely remembered shared with me how often she sings my praises), but Don and I never talked much in those times. But no matter how well I knew him or not, I still wanted to offer him, offer Kathy, what I had never given my Dad. I still needed, for his memory, for the sake of their own eternal souls, to tell them this truth. I called them Tuesday, and I still don't know what he did or didn't know before he died. But when I called Tuesday, I shared my witness with her. I told her that I truly believe that, without confessing a faith in Jesus Christ before death, you don't get to heaven. Did Uncle Don know that before Thursday night? I don't know. But I had to try to tell them.
My Aunt Kathy loved my Uncle Don. He loved her. She had a very hard time when her baby brother, my Daddy, died. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this will be for her. I just hope that she places her faith in the one who is longing to carry her through it all. I just hope she finds God sufficient.

Goodbye, Farewell, Amen

My uncle Don died last night. My aunt says that he died peacefully in little or no pain. I knew it was coming; they found cancer in August and said he'd have a year at best. It now been about 3 months since they found it. I was there in July and he was complaing of chest pain. He went in to get his heart checked...and they found cancer in his lungs, his adrenal gland, his bones. It had spread to his liver by the time he died last night.
I hope that my aunt Kathy will be OK...as OK as a widow could be. I'm just stunned.

Risotto

OK, so I had never had risotto, nor had I tried to make it. I'm not sure what I made tonight really counts, but it's the closest I've ever come. 1 cup of rice made about 4 cups of risotto. I was adapting Rachel Ray's recipe for Cheesy Risi et Bisi, using what I had and what I knew my husband would eat. For instance, he hates peas, so I left them out...as well as the parsley, out of laziness. I used the last splashes of a tiny bottle of merlot I had, since I don't have white wine on hand and didn't want to spend $7 to buy a bottle of white when I have red. I used a home-made chicken stock I made a few months ago, filled out with some Swanson Italian Herb Chicken broth. Over all, I was rather pleased with the outcome, and look forward to trying it again, perhaps with brown rice, and likely when I'm not trying to also fry chicken cutlets. Those, by the way, were OK...I'm a big chicken when it comes to spicy food, and I got bites of the tiny amount of crushed red pepper flake I'd used in the breading.

I LOVE to cook. I hate to clean up afterwards, and I'm only beginning to tolerate touching raw chicken. Still, I enjoy playing with foods, looking for flavors that my husband would like, something different from the same old ordinary stuff. I look for ways to make food flavorful without so much heat from spice...jalapenos and such are really harsh on my constitution. I like to start with a recipe, something that is known to be good, and adapt from there for our tastes and budget. I was excited about making risotto, since rice is relatively cheap, and I already have the frozen chicken stock to cook with. Still, there is a certain amount of satisfaction in preparing food and having someone else appreciate and enjoy it.

Of course, then there are the times when I find a recipe, adapt it to our tastes (eliminating seafood, etc.), find that I LOVE it, and John doesn't. Of course, that makes me even happier when I do find one that he likes...and I think I can play with the flavor notes in this risotto and make it even better. That's exciting for me. We'll see what happens over the next few months. Does brown rice make risotto? Can I leave the wine out, or try other wines? What about other spice combinations? If you have any suggestions, please share them!

YAY!

By the way....I don't think I ever expressed how glad I am that President Bush was re-elected. YAY!!!!!

I LOVE my President.

Ramblings

OK, so I went to the Women of Faith conference here in Oklahoma City this past weekend. The whole time, I felt like God was speaking to my issues of infertility, but then I wondered if it seemed that way because I've been obsessing about it. I'm still not certain. Anyway, we've been thinking about adopting. We always knew that we would adopt, whether we conceive or not, so that's not a new idea. But now we're actually looking at what all is involved in doing this. We've pretty much decided on an international adoption, and are leaning towards China or Columbia at the moment. It's a lot to consider. We're talking about bringing a brand-new baby home, so we're thinking about having a home we think is ready for a baby, having the actual baby, and lets be honest...none of this is cheap. I may go back to work for a couple of years before we adopt to try to save what we need to finance the whole thing. Still, I'm excited.

Political (Yes, me too)

OK, I'm gonna offend someone. Sorry you're offended. Deal with it.

I love my president. Seriously. I think Bush is a gift from God. He;s not perfect...but as I've already established...who is? He is unashamed of his faith and convictions. Sure, he's a politician, and in most people's mind, politician, lawyer, and demons are all equal fodder. I mean, we've all heard about the kid who asked his mother if 2 bodies were ever buried in the same grave after he saw a tombstone reading "Here lies a lawyer and an honest man". But I really admire him. If there are places we differ, so be it. In most places, we don't, and I can't say that for many politicians.

In the disasterous aftermath of the Florida debacle in 2000, when, for possibly the first time in our nations history, a candidate threw a hissy fit and tried to steal what was not his and interrupted the peaceful passing of power that has marked our nation's history, I watched George W. Bush sit back and wait quietly for things to be settled. Lest people forget, it was GORE who took the issue to court, it was GORE who tried to get the votes recounted again and again and again...it was GORE who tried and failed to steal that election. If you don't like it, tough. It's the truth. Florida had been called for Bush, and it was Gore who pitched the fit. And in the end, it was Bush who won. And if you want to scream and cry about whether or not every vote got counted...they didn't. In many states, once there were enough votes counted to guarantee the outcome, they stopped counting. The idea is that they count until there are enough votes for one or the other that even if all the remaining votes were counted for the other guy, he'd still lose. So I'm certain there were ballots that went uncounted. If they had been counted, I'd about guarnatee that Bush would STILL win. Period. If you don't like the way the constitution functions to elect our president...come up with a better idea, try it out somewhere else before you ruin this country, and when it works there, propose the amendment. That's how this government works. And if you can't figure out how to read the ballot, get off your pride and ask for help. You look worse if you don't.

So yes, I am proudly voting for George Bush tomorrow. In fact, I'm voting straight party Republican, because, having read the two platforms and comparing them...I disagree with most of what the Democrats say, and agree with most of what the Republicans say. Like it or not, party matters. If I know nothing else about the candidate, I know which set of values they align themselves with...and that's at least a start. Nor do I buy this "I didn't vote with my party on this issue and that one and this one." If you disagree with the party stand that much, have the conviction to stand by your values and leave the party. There is nothing wrong with leaving a party you no longer believe in. Shoot, if nothing else, be an independant.

Kerry does not stand for the values I do. Edwards does not stand for the values I do. Nor does Carson. And while I know nothing about Pat Bateman except party affiliation (is Pat male or female??), I know Kris Steele personally. I'd vote the man into any office. I KNOW he stands for the same things I do because we've discussed it. He is an honorable man, and unlike some, he actually stands by the decisions he makes. None of this wishy-washy waffling on the issues. Make up your mind, Mr. Kerry. Are you proud to be a veteran of the Vietnam war, or was it a dishonorable conflict filled with butchers? Pick a side and stick to it. Even moss can stick to a side. Do you support the war on terrorism and the actions in Iraq or not? You've gone back and forth on this one way too much.

And speaking of Iraq...I think people forget that EVERYONE KNEW Saddam had WMD. All he had to do was open the stinkin' doors and LET the UN inspectors do their job. He refused to do so. He WANTED us to think he had them. I'm still not convinced he didn't. What are we supposed to do in a war on terror? Wait until a man who has used illegal (against the Geneva Convention and outlawed by the UN) weapons in the past against his own people figures out how to kill a few more thousand Americans? You think he wasn't? What earth did you inhabit in those months when President Bush told him, with the backing of the UN, to prove he didn't have them that you think this war was groundless and unjust. Which kids do you want to go to and explain that they lost parents in ANOTHER terrorist attack because you thought Saddam was safe? Which Iraqi women who were brutalised, raped, and slaughtered by his regime and his own sons are you going to tell that Saddam wasn't an immediate threat?

I don't trust Kerry. I trust Bush. I admire Bush. I believe that God raised him up to guide our nation through the aftermath of Clinton's debacle as he shamed and smeared the office of the presidency. Don't let liberals lie to you. If you are old enough to vote, you are old enough to remember the way things REALLY happened. Re-Elect George W. Bush. He's exactly what this country, this world, needs.

And no, no republicans or politicians paid for this ad. These are my honest opinions. If you don't like them, tough cookies. It's a free country. Don't read the blog.

Obsession Update

OK, so God is consistently faithful and good to me, and I'm just consistently stubborn.

First things first. My doctor had a perfectly reasonable explanation for the medicine I was on and went out of his way to do whatever he can think of to help rebuild my trust in him. This is why I trust him. Dude, he's a great doctor.

Second...I realised that my fear is that I could do something that God can't deal with. Who on earth do I think I am? If God wants me to have a healthy baby, no unintentional harm on my part can screw up his plan. Not to say that I couldn't royally futz things up if I went out and aimed for that goal. But God is big enough to protect my child from my ignorance and health needs. I believe He knows my heart and my intentions enough that if He wants the baby to be healthy, I can't kill it by cleaning out the catbox before I realise that's not a safe thing to be doing just now, or some other similar thing. And if God plans for us to raise a child with health problems...no amount of what I try to do right can protect the baby. I mean really, there are somethings that no amount of intervention can stop or rescue. That's part of that whole not living in fear thing from earlier this morning.

God can make deserts into Eden, and dust into people. God alon can make something from nothingness (which, is, by its sheer existance as nothingness is something...but then we wander into difficult philosophical quanderies...and I had to really work at my philosophy courses). God gave me dreams of my children. When he decides to, this barren desert that my body is now will blossom into a garden of the Lord. God does beautiful work...and judging from baby pictures of my husband and I when we were little...that garden is gonna be breathtaking.

So will I still stumble and doubt? Sure. I'm human. That's what we do as humans. But maybe seeing this here will remind me again when I do that the garden God will plant in this wilderness is far greater than anything I could try to grow on my own. He's got the biggest, greenest thumb ever, and it trumps my brown one!

Heather's Waldorf Chicken Salad

Heather's Waldorf Chicken Salad
(adapted from Alton Brown's "It's a Wonderful Waldorf", and aiming at Arby's Chicken Salad Market Fresh Sandwich)

2 Fuji apples
1 Red Delicious apple
3 tablespoons apple cider vinager
1 cup mayonnaise
1 pinch kosher salt
cracked black pepper
3/4 cup crushed walnuts
1 bunch red seedless grapes (about 12-15 grapes)
1/2 diced red onion
2 stalks celery, cut on the bias
1 teaspoon curry powder
2-2.5 thirteen ounce cans chicken breast, drained
additional mayonnaise as needed to mix into the chicken salad
Green leaf, red leaf, or romaine lettuce

Dice the apples in to medium sized chunks, toss with the vinegar to keep it from browning. Remove from vinegar and combine with remaining ingredients, except the lettuce. Grapes may need to be halved to make the chunks manegable. Mayonnaise is added at the end as desired to moisten and blend the salad. Serve the salad on lettuce as a salad, or with lettuce and tomato on a hearty bread (whole wheat, for instance). If the chicken and additional mayo is omitted, this may be served as a delightful waldorf salad.

This was a huge hit at the sanwich potluck last night at church. I hope you enjoy it as well!

Musical Musings: This Is Your Time, MWSmith

This is Your Time
from "This is Your Time"

It was a test that we could all hope to pass
But none of us would want to take
Faced with the choice to deny God and live
For her there was one choice to make

This was her time
This was her dance
She lived every moment
Left nothing to chance
She swam in the sea
Drank of the deep
Embraced the mystery of all she could be
This was her time

Though you are mourning and grieving your loss
Death died a long time ago
Swallowed in life so that life carries on
Still it's so hard to let go

repeat chorus

What if tomorrow
And what if today
Faced with the question
Oh what would you say

This is your time
This is your dance
Make every moment
Leave nothing to chance
Swim in the sea
Drink of the deep
Call on the mercy
Hear yourself praying
Won't You save me
Won't You save me

by Michael W. Smith

This song is about one of the victims of columbine...perhaps one of the most victorious of them, because in her death, she is remembered for the kind of faith all believers hope to posess.
If I remember what I learned about English Literature rightly, Ben Jonson (1572-1637) is the person responsible for the popularisation of the "Carpe Diem" ideal. The idea is that life is short, the good die young, so live it up while you can. "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we shall die" I think, is the quote he left us with. There are some who feel that this carpe diem, or "seize the day" attitude is rather cavalier, but I don't think it has to be. I think at it's best, it embraces everything the song at the beginning is saying.
Biblically, we are told not to worry. Consider the following passage from Matthew 6:25-34. 25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
I think this tells us that we are to live each day on it's own merit. This does not mean, by any stretch of any imagination, to ignore our long-standing responsibilities...such as holding down jobs, planning for our retirement, our children's needs, our parent's needs...indeed, in 1 Timothy 5:8, we are told that if we do not provide for our families, than we deny the faith and are worse than "unbelievers". So this isn't about doing the things we have to do to provide for our family. And in the society we inhabit, providing for our family is about looking further than today. That's not my problem. I think, though, that we forget to embrace the days we are given. I think that, in the rush of everyday, we tend to go through the motions of living...and fail actually embrace each day.
This is your day. In your rush to work, stop to smell your favorite smell. Maybe that's a flower, maybe it's a fine cup of coffee, maybe it's the baby powder you dust your baby's bottom with. It takes just 30 seconds of your precious time, and if you can't afford those 30 seconds, you might ought to examine what has you so busy that you can't stop and delight in a simple scent. This is your dance. Delight in the people around you. Your spouse, your child, your best friend, your parent. Find one person who challenges you to be a better person. Someone that, when you are with them, you find that not only do you like them, you like who you are when you are with them. Someone who lets you delight in the sheer joy of a moment. And if you can't find a partner to dance with you through life, then stop and pause for a dance by yourself. Remember the joy of feeling like you were almost flying when you got on the swings as a kid? Take 10 minutes and go find a park and swing again. Or maybe it wasn't swings. Maybe it was running, and feeling like you were going faster than the sun. Who cares how you look...run again, for the sheer fun of it. Or whatever it was that you LOVED to do as a child. Dance in life.
Live every moment, and leave nothing to chance. When I was just 16, my father died in a car accident. A week before, I called him. I talked to him. He was there. And then, one afternoon, after school, I came home and found that he was gone. He was dead. I couldn't call him anymore. All the letters he wanted me to write to him could be written, but would go forever unread. He would not see my graduation, would not give me away at my wedding, would not hold his grandchildren. Everything I wanted to say to him would go unheard, unanswered. You are not promised tomorrow. It may never come for you, or for your loved one. You could step off a curb and get hit by a bus. I'm not a fatalist...but I am being realistic. I don't want you to live in fear of death; it comes, in time, to us all. Nor do would I have you fear what comes after. There is an answer for the life that comes after this one, and I promise to go on about that later...but for the moment, try this if you want to know more about the hope that I have. Anyway...since all you can be certain of is this moment, live this moment. Thrill in THIS moment. And you won't do it all the time. Just, when you remember, stop and live a minute. Leave reminders around if you need to. But every chance you get, stop and live the minute. You can live the minute while you make supper, while you travel to work, while you are working, whenever. Just leave nothing to chance and live every moment.
Swim in the sea, drink of the deep, embrace the mystery of all you can be. There's a difference between swimming in a pool and swimming in the ocean. In the pool, the bottom is about 12 feet away...at most. The edge is close, and escape is easily enough found. But swimming in the sea is different. The bottom is further away, the edges are much further out, and there are currents that move you as much as you move yourself. Now, I'm not suggesting that you look for near death experiences; I am far from a thrill seeker. But maybe your life is too safe. Maybe you've gotten yourself into a safe little rut. How bad would it be, for just a moment, to "go off the deep end"? Not sociopathic or psychotic...but just crazy enough to enjoy a few minutes on the swing or a stupid cartoon. And how can you embrace the mystery of all you can be without stopping to explore it? No one knows everything about themselves. We are all seeking to find our own voice, our own style, our own look. Enjoy the search. Don't abandon reason and responsibility...but neither abandon random.
This is your time. This is all you are promised. Stop, take a look around you...and make a difference. Make the world a better place because you are in it. Smile at someone. Open the door for someone. Buy a cup of coffee for someone less fortunate than you. Hug someone. Love everyone, especially when they are unlovable. Yes, I am asking the impossible with the last one...so try meeting the one who made it all possible. Don't put it off. Call on the mercy and then LIVE.
This is your time.